Life

It's raining today and I love it!! I hope it keeps raining by the time I come home so I can relax and read. Last night I fell asleep reading on the couch at 8:30pm haha - the rain just lulled me to sleep. Luckily I keep my cell phone by me at all times and I have my alarm set to go off on it every day, just in case something like that happens. Which it usually does - I am always passing out. If I lay down for even 5 min I'm usually out. Maybe I have narcolepsy. Lol.

I've been doing great these days. I finally quit smoking for GOOD this time about 3 weeks ago. I was using the patch until I got fed up with them peeling off all the time - so now I'm sucking on those lozenges (probably a tad bit too much). They are so gross but once you get used to them they are like crack. I am almost out of my bottle so I ordered more on ebay - 3 packs of 24 for $19. I should probably buy some more haha. This lady at work quit smoking using the lozenges and she said 5 years later, she is still buying them. I guess it's ok to be addicted to nicotine as long as you're not smoking all those chemicals and crap.. right?

I'm finally losing weight too, and I did nothing but changed my eating habits around a little. My binging/eating disorder has finally died down too. I think I became bulimic from using Wellbutrin last year. I don't know why, but it did something crazy to my brain and I was more depressed than ever and just eating non stop. Thankfully I haven't had any "episodes" in about 2 months now. YAY! I'm pretty sure I am now a recovering "binge eater" because I don't feel the need to go on crazy eating sprees anymore. I was suffering from it so bad for about 2 years. It was awful. I used to come home and eat, and continue to eat for about 3 hours straight. I was putting about 4 - 5k calories in my mouth a day. I almost checked myself into a recovery clinic, it was that bad. But now I just eat slower and try to avoid the kitchen except when I'm preparing food - and I also stopped buying any snack foods, since that triggers the attacks. I can easily eat a box of cereal in one night, or cheezits, crackers, cookies, etc.. so no more snacks for me. It sucks when you open my fridge and it's totally bare, but I am in recovery, so I have to do what I have to do. :) I am happy nontheless, because I have made such substantial improvements. Now if I can just shake the 30 lbs I gained from all this, I will be a really happy camper! haha!

Oh and even more good news - I'm going on a 10-day cruise for Thanksgiving with my sister and mom! I am so excited. Kristi surprised me and said she is paying for everybody because she had a good tax return. I almost cried.. I thought that was so sweet of her. All I have to do is pay the airfare to Florida (where the cruise leaves out of) and excursion money, so about 1k for everything. :) We are going to the Panama Canal with stops to Costa Rica, Aruba, and Curacauo. This will be probably my 15th cruise - no joke! I used to use my tax return every year for vacations all the time, back when my family was an actual family (RIP dad - who hasn't died physically, but emotionally is gone). I have been to a lot of fun places like Venezuela, Jamaica, Haiti, Cancun, Grenada, St. Vincent, etc. and have scuba dived at almost every single place we've been to. I'm an experienced diver. From the looks of me you would never know, but I'm a good, strong swimmer. So is my sister. We are the fabulous "Diving Kinards." I can't freaking wait to go!! AHHH!!!

Well time for another crack lozenge. I'll try to write more on here when I have time. :) xoxoxo Jen