Health

I'm not going to jinx myself and call this thing I'm on a diet, but my "lifestyle change" or "live-it" so far is going amazingly well. Granted, it's been 3 days, but usually those are the hardest, and I find myself not struggling with food at all. :D I have cut down my calories so much. I eat about 600-700 for breakfast/lunch and then come home and eat whatever Kevin makes for dinner (usually about 300-1000 cal depending on what he makes). Dieting is kind of like a science. To lose 1 lb, you have to burn 3500 calories. That means you have to eat 3500 calories less than what you normally would. I think I was eating about 2500/day and now I'm down to 1600 or less. That means I will lose about 2 lbs/wk. WOOT!! Oh, and I'm refusing to use the scale. I'm not going to step on the scale until I'm done with my diet. Why, well, I don't want to be discouraged. I also don't want to get the notion that if I lose weight rapidly, that means I can go have a box of Twinkies. That's not the way this works hehe. So, I'm going to avoid the scale for 2 months. I should just pitch that thing all together. Who really gives a f*ck, you know? :)

So.. I haven't had a beer in 4 days and I barely even care. I am going to get those Miller MGD 64's though and drink one every now and then as a snack. I don't believe in omitting things entirely from a diet because you end up going crazy and will go on a pig-out rampage. It's better to cut back and allow yourself a treat every now and then. My weekends will be my relaxation time where I can eat whatever I want - the only caveat is that I must monitor what I eat. Kevin said he would help me, so I have tons of support already! I'm already on my way to feeling better about myself and my body!!

My ingredients for success: support from others, determination (where being stubborn is a good thing hehe), and a positive attitude. Believe in yourself and good things will happen to you.

I think I weigh 165-170 lbs last time I checked, but I'm not entirely certain. When I moved here 3 years ago I was 135-140 lbs but I had just gotten out of the Air Force.. so unlikely I will ever be that weight again lol. Realisticly I'm thinking I should be about 145-155. I still want to keep my curves because being a toothpick is not my idea of beautiful (to some it is, but not me). And yep I don't have much weight to lose - even better!! :)

I'm drinking 8 glasses of water a day too, something I haven't done in years. Water is so vital to good health because it flushes out all the toxins in your body and hydrates your cells/skin. It's the best vitamin!!

I haven't touched a cigarette in 6 months as of tomorrow. I feel amazing. I can't stand the smell anymore and I feel sorry for people when I see them smoking or hear a raspy voice. I think, "yeah I was there once." Quitting smoking has been the best decision for my health I have ever made, and I am never, Never, NEVER going back to that lifestyle. I am better than that, and I want to live until I'm an old wrinkled woman. I work in a heart hospital and most of our patients have or were former smokers - about 70% of them. Most of them are in their 50-60's. It doesn't take that long before all those toxins in cigarettes destroy your heart and lungs. Death is possible from heart surgery too because it's such a complicated procedure (about 4-8 hrs) and puts a huge strain on the heart and body. Most of these surgeries/deaths could be prevented if they never decided to smoke. It's just so sad. See.. I think about that whenever I gaze behind the counter at the packs of cigarettes. Never want to touch those stupid things again.

So that's my thoughts for today - health. Next on my list is exercising but I will do one thing at a time, thank you very much (my excuse for procrastinating) hehe. I think I'm going to take up jogging again. ;P

Ghosts, spirits, and higher planes of existence

I can't explain how I'm feeling right now other than I'm completely, 100%, madly in love. I have never felt this way about anybody before.. nor have I connected so well with another. It was like we were meant to be together. Soul mates. And I kind of knew Kevin was my true love - I saw "him" in my vision when I overdosed on cocaine when I was 19 years old. I want to talk about this further with everybody, because it's really interesting. I also want to explain about George (our ghost in the house - don't laugh). :)

Most of you know I OD'd. I talk about it often because it was a very traumatic, life-changing experience for me. I had stopped breathing for a time (unknown how long I was knocked out for) and while I was unconscious I had a very vivid and clear near-death experience. God talked to me, I met my guardian angel, I walked in a tunnel -typical near-death experience. However what was unusual about mine was that I was given glimpses of my future (not the past as most people report they experienced). These glimpses evolved in front of me in a circular pattern and were about the size of tv screens, in full color, then would fade away after a few seconds of "play". I saw many odd things I didn't really understand at the time, and still don't. But one that stands out to me was the picture of a couple, whom I knew was my husband and I. He was shorter than me with grayish hair and a little overweight. I was a little overweight in the picture too, and older. We were waving and standing on a big lawn in front of a cute white house with a huge front porch around it. I can remember this still as clear as day, even though it happened over 10 years ago. I remember thinking to myself who is that man? What kind of house is that (because it looked unlike anything we had in CA). I was very puzzled, but at the same time, I felt enlightened. From then on I waited. I knew my true love was out there somewhere and would come to me. I also knew I wasn't ever going to marry a tall man. I never told this to anyone I dated, but it was just something I sensed, and knew. :) (And yes I'm absolutely fine with this - height doesn't mean anything to me; a person's soul is what counts). Several years pass and the guys I dated came and went. And then I met Kevin.

I will be honest, when I first met Kevin at Buffalo Wild Wings I barely even gave him a second glance. I was dating someone at the time, so I wasn't "looking" nor was I even really "noticing" other men. But he sure noticed me. :) After my ex and I broke up, well, the rest is history. That first date was when I realized this man was unlike any other man I've met before. I just felt something I haven't felt before. Pretty much from that point forward was when I knew that man I saw in my vision was standing right in front of me. It was almost like a part of me that was missing, like a puzzle piece, finally snapped into place. :)

George

I have never seen a ghost before (other than my near death exp) until I saw our house guest, whom we've named George, about 2 months ago. I woke up early one morning, about 4 am, because Charlie was whining and pawing at my arm. I looked down at Charlie and when I looked up, there was a man standing there plain as day. He was overweight, wearing blue faded overalls, and holding what looked like a garden hoe in his right hand. His hair was gray and slightly balding on top. In my sleepy stupor I thought it was Kevin so I said, "hi baby" until I realized immediately that this definitely wasn't Kevin!! This man looked at me for a few seconds, smiled, then said something to me (which I completely missed since I was wearing ear plugs), and then vanished. I immediateyl woke Kevin up and told him I saw a ghost! I was so excited and told him if he comes back I'll wake him up. Kevin was like omg NO lol lol. I was thrilled. Why, I don't know, but I am not afraid of ghosts at all. I think because I came so close to the edge and back. Which is why I think George appeared before me and not Kevin, so he wouldn't scare him. I at first thought George was a ghost living in our house, but after mentioning this story to a few people I came to the conclusion that our ghost friend was actually Kevin's guardian angel. My friend Jenna thinks that George was watching over Kevin for me until I came into his life.. and now that I'm here, George went back to the heavens. I do believe that's true because I haven't seen (or heard) any signs of our house guest since then. I also think George was trying to tell me to take care of Kevin for him. I didn't hear it audibly, but I just sensed that was what he was trying to say. :) Indeed I shall. I want to take care of Kevin until the day I have to part ways with this earth, and move on to a higher plane of existence. Till death to us part. But not part.. because we will be together in heaven, too.. someday. :) because we were meant to be together... because we are soul mates.