A Geek Girl's Blog

Break a leg.. literally

2011-12-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well I went and broke my leg lol. At roller derby practice. Lol wasn't I just talking about people getting hurt? Argh, another injury added to my list!! I swear, I'm accident prone. :) It was just a normal Wednesday night practice and we were doing cutting drills around the cones, everything casual and mellow, fun.. I wasn't even going that fast but I lost my footing when I cut to the right (my bad side apparently) and my skate went one way and my leg went the other way, the very wrong way. I didn't have a chance to even try to fall foward when CRUNCH!!! both bones broken. My leg went completely limp and I felt the bones crunching/rattling around. I instantly knew, and the first words out of my mouth were cuss words and "I''m so FUCKING pissed!" I mean really, how many YEARS of rollerblading have I done without incident, and here I go and break my leg within a few months of starting derby. ARGH! It's been so frustrating. Anyways, so I'm laying there completely in shock and busy just mouthing off how pissed I am, and I guess I'm bleeding! So Katie comes over and applies pressure to my wound, which apparently she popped my bone back in place which was sticking out of my skin. So the paramedics come and start messing with my leg, moving it all over & introducing me to an entirely new definition of pain, and they think it isn't broken because I'm not screaming and crying and freaking out lol. They even announced to everyone at the rink that it probably wasn't broken! Which made everyone start cheering!! Are you fucking kidding me?? Finally I asked them WHY THEY KEEP MOVING MY LEG AROUND so they stop and put me in a splint, and send me on my merry way. While in transport I heard the guy call KU and tell them I have a compound fracture, so I guess they finally figured it out. My god they were such idiots. So I arrive at KU and have another horrible experience with the xray tech on duty that night. She was in a huge hurry for some reason, and the RN told her she would help her out in a minute but she didn't want to wait and just grabbed my leg and pretty much manhandled it just like the paramedics did. She wouldn't even try to be careful or go slow or anything. So I'm screaming and crying which makes the tech even more frustrated. Then at one point she has a hold of my toe and her hand slips, and my foot just drops back limp on the table. I HOWLED in pain, that hurt SO BAD omg unlike anything I have ever felt before! Well needless to say she does all this in front of the RN that told her to wait, so the RN wrote her up! The RN came back to me later alone and told me she couldn't believe the tech did that, and that she wrote up a PSN on her.. patient safety report. I gave her a hug, because that was such an awful thing to experience, and I was so grateful that the nurse did that. She was so nice. I seriously hope that tech got in trouble.

So the Xrays come back & I do indeed have a broken leg! Tib & fib fracture. Fib fracture up by my knee and tib spiral fracture down by my ankle. Since it was a compound fracture my risk of infection was high, so they decided to do surgery right away. Which was pretty much "right now". Within an hour or so I was in the operating room getting a sweet metal rod put in that goes all the way from my knee to ankle, along with four screws. I'll post pics on here. They left the fib fracture alone. Apparently you only use 6% of your fibia to walk on, the rest is the tibula, so doc said even if it doesn't heal he wasn't worried about it. That's kind of freaky to me to have a permanent broken leg to walk on.. but he's the ortho, I'm not!! Hopefully it will heal. I find out in 2 weeks when I get follow up xrays how I'm healing. I hope to be off these crutches in 2 weeks too. Doc said I'm doing great so I'm hoping for good news! I spent 4 long days in the hospital, longer than I spent for my pregnancy and much more painful. This was by far, the most painful thing I have ever experienced. But the good news is I'm doing well now and not really in pain anymore. It's achy and still swollen, and I have 5 incision scars all over my leg (the longest is 5 inches long), and I still can't put too much pressure on it, but I'm doing well, and improving each day. Oh and no cast either! Apparently the rod in there is stronger than a cast, so I didn't need one! I am in a big black walking boot, which I love, because I can crutch and walk a little on my foot at the same time. The boot is nice and supportive too. I feel weird when I don't have it on.
So my comeback to derby will be sometime in March or April. Doc said I can return to skating in February so I will just take it easy and see how I feel. I am definitely missing the first game, most likely the second too, but I will just play it by ear.

I am the 2nd of 3 leg injuries that occured all within 2 weeks of each other, creepy. One girl broke her ankle and lower tib, the other broke 3 bones in her ankle. Both of them have a long recovery time. My injury looked the worst out of all of them but I seem to have the shortest recovery! I do believe my attitude has a lot to do with it. Positive thinking goes a long way. I was even told that a couple girls on the Royal Pains were talking about how they admired my attitude. Awesome!

This doesn't mean I don't have any rants.. oh believe me I have several. I shall close this posting with my list of things that suck about breaking your leg:

1) Having to sit down in the shower. On a lawn chair. Yeah it sucks as bad as it sounds.
2) Not being able to be the primary caregiver anymore for my son. He cries for daddy now when he walks away, but not mommy. Talk about the worst demotion ever. :(
3) Hobbling around on one leg. It sucks. It's tiring. It hurts your arms and your good leg. It's not fun.
4) People staring at me wherever I go. Usually I just look down, since I need to anyways so I don't trip!
5) STAIRS!! Those evil, god damn f*cking stairs!
6) Winter time. Winter time = snow = slick= slip.
7) Not being able to skate. Watching everyone at practice zoom around.. it's heart breaking.
8) Not being able to drive. I probably could, but I can't get on the bus at work, and I can't drop off River at daycare.
9) A permanent metal leg. The docs aren't taking it out. It is now mine, forever. Or is that a good thing to be half a robot? :)

Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-09-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

Wow I haven't written in almost a year. I doubt anyone is eagerly hanging off their seats waiting for me to post anything, so I'm sure I'm in the clear.

Busy, busy, busy to say the least and a lot has been happening. I lost my etsy store dvrdown around March I think, a month or two after River was born. Permanent suspension is the correct term. Etsy took down my entire shop and wouldn't put it back up due to multiple warnings I received from posting items that weren't up to par with their standards. Either the item violated terms of service, my tags were wrong, or I just didn't do something right. I always corrected the problem when they told me about it, but I guess I did it too many times and they got fed up with me and I got suspended, with a note saying I can't open up another shop. They might as well have slapped me or kicked me directly in the ass. I was so upset I actually cried over this for a few days, then I got the bright idea to remake another shop anyways. Well all was fine until a few weeks ago, when they found me and my shop was suspended yet again. This time I have decided to just leave it alone and move on. Their loss really, because they were making money off me too. But I'm still pretty pissed about it and I do believe I have been treated unfairly. I mean it wasn't like I was stealing money from my customers or receiving any negative feedback or anything.. I was good to my customers and will always be fair and honest with them. Etsy can kiss my ass though. I am done with them and this whole situation has actually motivated me to work on my own business and webstore, so thanks Regretsy for allowing me to pursue my lifelong dream! I don't need anybody telling me what I can and can't post anymore. Kevin is helping me create my webstore and we are going to apply for a business license here shortly.. yay! Good things always seem to come out of crappy situations.. well for the most part anyways. :) I'll keep you posted on my website and when that will come about. For right now I'm enjoying my hiatus away from selling and constantly going to the post office 3 days a week. Yuck, I do not miss that.

River is 8 months old now. It's crazy how time has flown by. Everyone says is goes quickly but you never realize how fast it really goes until you experience it for yourself. He is great, and I love being a mom. He's such a happy baby and well behaved. Everyone always asks us if he's always that calm, and I love telling them YES! I would hate to see a colicky, fussy baby. Good thing I won't because this is my last child haha. We are extremely lucky we have a low-maintenance child. He is high energy though and always looking around and exploring and putting things in his mouth. Everything goes in his mouth.. the other day he was sucking on the shopping cart handle and I almost threw up lol. No wonder he's sick all the time!!! He's always on the move, too. Diaper changes are almost impossible with him, he loves to flip over on his knees every time and have his bare butt hanging in the air. He is crawling everywhere now and just learned how to pull himself up. We think he is going to be walking here pretty soon.. within the next couple of months!

I joined Dead Girl Derby of KC. Basically it's like goth chicks on roller skates. I am not officially a Dead Girl yet, but I will know in about 3 weeks if I have made one of the teams or not. In order to be drafted to a team, and there are 4, we need to pass a written test and a skills test. If we don't pass, we stay in the "horde" until we are able to do our skills. The skills we get tested on are stuff like falling, stopping, endurance, speed, etc. From what it looks like I will make the team, but I don't want to toot my own horn yet. I'm decent at skating but I have a lot of work to do. Baseball slides and getting up quick w/o using my hands are my weak spots right now.. but I'll get it. It's a lot of fun, I love derby and everybody is just so awesome. Last practice we just started making contact and hitting, which was a lot of fun. I can't wait to send somebody flying on their ass hehe. We have already had a few injuries (broken arm, torn ligament, etc) and drop outs so the risk of getting hurt is pretty high, but you can't be afraid of that. That's one of the things you gotta get over quick, because if you're tense and afraid of falling you're gonna get hurt. I think snowboarding put me a little more at ease with that. You fall so many times when you're snowboarding haha. Soooo many times. And it hurts every single damn time because you're not wearing any pads. To me, pummeling down a mountain at breakneck speed without protective gear, in the dark (since I mostly snowboard at night) is WAYYYYY more scary than falling on a rink! A lot of these girls have never done sports that involve falls so you see them hesitate a little when they skate. You can't hesitate in roller derby.. you just go full speed ahead and hope for the best hehe. It's a fun sport, I love it. It's also a great workout. I'm always drenched in sweat and sore after each practice, but my legs are getting strong. It also feels great to exercise again. I always feel so happy after practice.

Anyways that's about it for now, I'll write more when I can. <3

It's a BOY!!!!

2010-11-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

ahh I keep meaning to write, but I've been so busy lately with work & everything else! I even wrote down to "blog" in my planner about 3 weeks ago. :(. Sorry I left everyone hanging but I think I assumed everyone knew any ways.. and they probably do.. that we are having a BOY. YAY!!! 29 weeks today, I have 11 weeks or less left until birth. This is crazy how fast this has gone. I'm still not that big either. I get comments such as "you're pregnant?" or "bitch, I was huge when I was pregnant" or "you look great." If I wear a hoodie you can't even really tell I'm expecting a baby at all. And the weird thing is, I think River is going to be a big baby. Between taking my DHA pills (more on this later), my height, and the sono tech comments about his femurs being huge, it's kind of inevitable. :) And I think my small belly will be a thing of the past soon enough. I swear sometimes when I wake up, it seems like my bump grew 2 inches overnight!! It's a cute bump too.. perfectly round and smooth with no stretch marks. It looks kind of like a basketball. My belly button hasn't popped out yet either and I doubt it will. It still seems so weird to me looking down and seeing your belly button almost stretched out flat. It's still weird I'm pregnant!!!

I'm so excited about tomorrow and this Friday. My coworkers are throwing me a shower Thurs, which means River gets more presents.. yay!! I want him to have everything lol. And Friday, Kevin and I are going to Overland Park at http://johnsoncountyultrasound.com to get a 4D video of our little boy. They give you a dvd and a CD full of pictures, plus some keepsake 4x6 photos of the ultrasound that you can frame. It was an out of pocket expense since this is just for fun, but totally worth it. When you go in for normal ultrasounds all you get is about 4 pictures printed up on thin paper, that eventually fade over time. This way we can have something to keep forever. Also, I'm not due for any more ultrasounds (3d ones anyways) so this is the last chance we get to see the baby before he's born. :)

I'm really glad I'm having another shower. The shower my sister threw us back in September was REALLY nice, and she totally went all out, but unfortunately a few people didn't. I had four people (2 friends, 2 family members) arrive and stay but didn't give River a gift at all. Who does that? who goes to a shower and doesn't bring a gift? Not to mention when said family member was prego, we bought her a $200 car seat and stroller..but anyways. It just really, really upset me. I also had another friend stay for about 10 minutes and then dart out the door because she wasn't comfortable being there. Really? and a few others that said they would come and never showed up without calling. Californians, and I say this all the time and I will say it again, SUCK! People just don't act like that here and thank god they don't. So it was a somewhat small shower, and River still needs a bunch of things, which is fine.. I mean we can afford it, but I kind of feel like we got shafted and glad I'm having another shower at work tomorrow. Does that sound greedy.. probably. I just want our baby to have everything because I love him SO MUCH and just want him to be comfortable and happy. That's all I care about. Forgive me god for sounding like a greedy biatch. Having a baby is very expensive though and a huge financial bourdon (that is totally worth it) and having showers helps out a LOT with that and easing some of the pressure off. I just wish some people would understand that more.

Well it's official, I'm no longer a Kinard. I got my social security changed a few weeks ago.. still working on other things but I think I have most of it done. Changing your name is a huge pain in the a$$ but I still think moving is worse. And marriage is pretty cool.. I like being a wife!! Whoever said the first year is the hardest is full of crap because neither of us feel that way. In fact, I feel exactly the same as before we got married.. just maybe a bit happier. Being a mom is going to be even more awesome. I can't wait!!!!

Oh yeah I mentioned the DHA. I signed up to be in a research study for KUMED taking DHA pills (Docosahexaenoic acid), which is an omega-3 fatty acid. The study is looking at the effects it has on the baby, while in the womb and when its born. Supposedly taking DHA while pregnant is great for the baby and suppose to help improve brain function. It has no harmful side affects, and you get paid for your time so I figured why not? I'm going to use the money to buy River a car seat/stroller combo. The study isn't that intrusive either. I have to take 3 pills a day and go to 4 appointments where they examine/listen to River moving around via 2d ultrasound and this big machine that I have to press my belly against for 45 min. yes, 45 min. I must have dozed off last time I did it because it was over before I knew it. So its not that bad. Plus I get to see the baby more, which is awesome, even if it is 2d and not that clear of a picture. I love being able to see him on the monitor moving and squirming around. It always makes me smile!!

I did something weird last Saturday - I went to a day spa in Overland Park to get my ears "candled".. aka "ear candling." Ear candling is an alternative medicine practice of inserting a hollow candle in the ear canal and lighting the other end, suppposedly to remove earwax & promote well-being. I read about it and was curious so I just went ahead and made an appointment. :) It was very relaxing but I don't know if I would ever do it again... nor do I even know if it's a credible procedure or not!! What they do is lay you on your side and light this candle for about 15 minutes and leave it in your ear. The "vacuum" that it creates is suppose to draw up debris, fungus, & earwax. At the end of the procedure the lady showed me the earwax buildup in the end of the candle, but I think that was just candle wax. What was odd though was there were some flaky ridges pointing upwards, which she pointed out as earwax. Candle wax can't build up going the other way, can it? Or maybe the smoke does that? I don't know. My ears feel somewhat less clogged though.. but then again, that could be my subconscious talking. Would I recommend it.. probably, just to experience something new. :) And for the relaxation benefits. Feeling a warm candle in my ear was nice, and laying on the nice spa bed was great too with the lights turned down low. And I loved hearing the crackling of the candle.. reminded me of sitting next to a cozy fire. I almost fell asleep!

I need to post more Etsy finds soon. I have been so busy with my own store that I just haven't had the time to blog (I know, you've already heard this before). I'm really trying to push more items up for sale. Right now I'm at 359 items, and my goal for this year is to get to 400. I've had a pretty good sales record so far with October being my best month. I hope Christmas shoppers will make Nov and Dec even better! I need baby money!

Well I guess that's it for now. My long-winded blog has come to a close. Hopefully I will write again before the baby is born so I can keep you updated with his status. He's healthy and his numbers have been normal clear across the board. Approx weight about 3 lbs, length 14", heartbeat 150 bpm and strong. Kicking every day with an occasional punch to the ribs. Definitely a mover and a shaker.. the sono techs sometimes have trouble following him around because he just does not stay still. And, he knows daddy's voice and becomes very active whenever Kevin comes home. It's so adorable. I love you River Ashton Bennett. You have made mommy and daddy so happy. :)

11 More Days!!!!!

2010-08-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

**11 more days until we will find out the sex of the baby, on August 30th. I am sooo excited, anxious, nervous, etc!! I've been waiting for this day ever since I found out I was pregnant!!! ahhH!! I hope it's a boy!! I keep saying "he" when I talk about River, like I just already know deep down it's a boy. I feel like it is, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Sigh.. all this waiting around is KILLING ME!!

Week 18! No more morning sickness, so what they say about the 2nd trimester and how you magically start to feel better is true. I am still pretty tired all the time though, and I get headaches/aches & pains in various places. Also, River likes to stretch out against my rib cage so sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe lol. Yesterday it was really bad. I kept trying to push him over a little but it wasn't working. I hope that wasn't his head I was pushing on - lol! Oh and my growing breasts holy sh*t! I don't even recognize them anymore, they are Huuggge!! I need to get a body pillow to sleep on at night just to take some pressure off these suckers - they bother me more than my belly does! :P

In other news, we bought a new 2010 Jeep Liberty! Olathe Dodge was having a steal of a deal that weekend and we jumped on it. Fully loaded out the door was 21k.. that is 4k cheaper than what I paid for my Wrangler 8 YEARS AGO! I couldn't believe it. It rides so smooth too. I'm not used to feeling so relaxed while driving!! It will be a great family car for the baby. Kevin really likes it too. He said he's going to put a soccer ball sticker on the back window. haha.

This weekend we are going to the cabin and then Sunday we are going to the state fair in Sedalia. I can't wait because I'm seriously craving a fried twinkie!! I also just need to get away from things for a bit. Our cabin doesn't have tv and you can barely log onto the internet, so all there is to do is listen to birds chirp and read - which is perfectly fine with me! Kevin likes to read too, so we just sit on the porch together and chill. It's nice to have someplace quiet to go to and relax.

Oh yeah and then vacation in 2 weeks!! WOOT!! We are going to CA to see family and then Vegas to get married. Oh yeah - I'm engaged! haha! I forgot to mention that in my last post - oooops. Our vacation is going to be so fun. My sis and mom are throwing Kevin and I a baby shower. :) My sister went ALL OUT on this shower and bought fancy cupcakes from Hollywood and something like 8 games and a red velvet cake, and custom gift bags and prizes.. not to mention tons of gifts she bought for the baby.. she has totally spoiled us omg. We are going to get her something nice for doing all this for us. :) And woot Vegas baby! I can't wait for that either. We are going to do the themed wedding at Excalibur and dress up like a Prince and Princess haha. My sis, mom, and my sister's boyfriend are dressing up too. I'm going to try and find crowns for Kevin and I to wear and I'm going to wear mine all week - even after the wedding. It will be a lot of fun!

My life has been such a journey, and the path I have taken to reach this point in my life has been amazing. I am so thankful for a lot of things and for the choices I have made. I have never been happier. I have found my soul mate and best friend, and I'm looking forward to becoming a wife and mother. Having a baby has only strengthened our bonds. We are both excited about our future and our lives together. We are no longer a couple, but a family, and it feels awesome!!!

As the belly grows..

2010-06-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Week 10 of pregnancy! Only 30 more weeks to go lol. Knowing my luck it will probably be much longer. The doctor even said she can tell by the way my cervix is positioned, I will be in labor for a long time. Oh great. :) But other than that crappy news I'm pretty excited! I was able to see the baby's heartbeat last week. Talk about a sigh of relief. All those stupid miscarriage stories people have been telling me lately have seriously scared the sh*t out of me, and I was worried our baby wasn't even alive. And who in their god-forsaken minds even tells a prego woman about miscarriages anyways?!? A LOT of people, actually! I have no idea why, but I know I would never say anything like that to someone, especially a first-time mom. People are just stupid sometimes.

I take that back about not having morning sickness - I did end up getting a little bit of it! No vomiting or anything like that but just very nauseated and dizzy. I even missed work one morning because I was so dizzy I was afraid to drive! Some days I still get kind of nauseous but it's no where near what it was a couple weeks ago. And I'm still very, very tired. I can (and have) slept all day.. it's like no amount of sleep is ever enough. :)

2 more weeks until my first ultrasound! I get to see the little one for the first time. I can't wait! Then, 8 weeks after that is when we get to see the sex of the baby. Exciting! I will of course post pictures. My belly still isn't showing much either other than a small poochie that you really can't see at all unless I pull my shirt up. I'm tall, so I doubt I will show much this early on. My mom is tall too and she said she didn't really start to show until 5 months!! My pants are starting to feel tighter though. I'm wondering if I will even have to wear much maternity clothes other than bigger pants.. I guess I'll find out later!

Our Cozumel trip might be canceled. We were supposed to go over Thanksgiving and we booked the trip before we found out I was pregnant. Well, expedia f*cked up our itinerary so now it's not even showing up in the system, and I've called them numerous times and they said it was because Delta changed our flight. Ok.. so why isn't our itinerary showing up. What I guess happened was Delta canceled the flights but didn't issue us new ones (great job Delta). So the expedia lady said she would call Delta and see what was going on.. 3 weeks later we still don't have a trip at all.. lol. Wtf? We're going to call them tonight and see if we can get a refund. We already put down half the trip money which was $1300. I'm just tired of calling them several times & they don't do anything, you know.. very aggravating. Also Kevin & I discussed it, and we think me being 32 weeks pregnant when we go to Cozumel probably isn't the safest thing to do. Nor does my doctor think so, either. So maybe this is for the best that Expedia messed up our trip. We were thinking instead of Cozumel going to Vegas/California in September. That way Kevin can meet my sister and brother (he's already met my mom) and we can go party it up in Vegas one last time before the little one gets here. Which is fine. I don't really care where we go, because we can always go later somewhere else. We have tons of time.. and with the new addition to the family, it will be twice as much fun! I can't wait to take the baby camping, hiking, and showing him/her all of what life has to offer. It's going to be great. Kevin can't wait either. We are both very, very excited. :)

This is probably going to be our only child. I doubt I would want anymore and this is actually his second child, but we'll see. Nothing is set in stone.

I am shopping for a new (used) family car right now. I think I'm going to get a Jeep Cherokee because Wranglers have been reported as being a pain in the ass with carseats. I can only imagine and I don't even want to try lol. I'm looking at one right now that's about 8k... it has 4.0L and I-6 engine, same as mine, so it will haul the kid(s) around just fine. I need trunk space too in case they start to play sports or whatever. :) And will we keep my old Jeep.. I think so. It gets better gas mileage than Kevin's Jeep, so I think he's going to start driving mine to work. Plus I have a hard top and air conditioning - his Jeep is a soft top and NO AIR. It's a great summer fun Jeep, but not for daily driving!! So I'll just give it to him. What's mine is his now any ways. We both have that mentality, and I like it. We are already a married couple but just don't have it official yet.

I love this new life I have, and the new life growing inside me. Things are wonderful, and I'm very blessed.

We're Having a Baby!

2010-05-30T16:41:00.001-07:00

On Tuesday, May 25th Kevin and I found out we are expecting!! I am about 7 weeks along and the due date is January 18th. So far it's been a smooth pregnancy. I haven't had any morning sickness yet, nor have I been moody, but I have been very, very tired. I also seem to crave things I don't eat normally, like salty foods (pickles mmM!). My belly is a little tiny bump right now. I can't wait for it to grow! Oh, and Kevin and I already picked out names, River Ashton for a boy or River Avery for a girl. I am hoping for a boy, but a girl would be just as awesome. Kevin just wants a healthy baby. He has been so cute about this, he keeps talking about building the baby a rocking horse, and building a playground outside, and getting a baby backpack so we can take it hiking. :) It's so damn adorable. And yesterday I woke up to his hand laying protectively on my belly. That is exactly why I love him. He is so great to me. And yes, we have been talking about marriage before the baby happened but it looks like the baby just wanted to come first haha. We will eventually get married. I'm in no rush and neither is he. It's just a label and tax benefits pretty much so whatever. I can't wait to have the ring on my finger though. He will be an awesome husband and daddy. :)

Business Ideas, Expansion, & New Adventures

2010-01-20T07:58:00.000-08:00

On to other matters - I'm really thinking about scrapping jennleejewelry.etsy.com - taking everything down and selling my beads as supplies. I am not making any money anymore, and it's actually costing me more to put up my items for sale than it is to sell anything. Lol. But, the good news is my other store dvrdown.etsy.com is really taking off and I'm making steady sales - so that just means I will have more time/energy to focus on dvrdown!! YAY! And perhaps I can use my beads from Jennleejewelry to use for store items in dvrdown? I'll have to think. :) God that would be great.. I would have so much more room to store dvrdown stock/supplies. It's crazy how jennleejewelry takes up almost my entire desk space and makes the least amount of money. I've spent way more on jennlee too than I ever have with dvrdown. Haha oh the irony of it all. That is business for you, very very VERY unpredictable & risky, but a HELL of a lot of fun!!!

Expansion ideas: I'm thinking about expanding my dvrdown inventory to maybe t-shirts? Anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, or ideas for me on what I should add to my store? Any feedback would greatly be appreciated!!! :) If you think it, I can probably make it!

DePrEsSiOn & Dealing with the Demons

2010-01-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

I really need to start keeping a journal again. I haven't written anything since 2006 - 4 years! A lot has happened in 4 years, and I love to flip back and read through all my adventures & experiences. It's interesting to see how much I have grown & changed over the years. I guess that's why I should get my a$$ in gear and write again, huh? I will probably get a cramp in my hand after about 10 minutes since I'm so used to typing. Maybe I should make an e-diary.. but would I remember to write in it? Maybe put it on a flash drive & keep it on my key ring? Knowing me I would lose my keys. Lol.. gah I don't know. I just need to vent sometimes and I can't really vent on Facebook, because my entire family and co-workers are on there & personally it's not really their business what I'm thinking or complaining about. Twitter is a better source of ventation since I don't have as many followers (right now at 50) but I still manage to freak people out or have my friends think I'm on the brink of suicide (through personal experience lol), so that's a huge NO. Blogging is another avenue, but do people really want to read a huge paragraph on how sad or depressed I am? And face-to-face communication: same issue. No one likes to hear constant complaining, no matter how much they like you or care for you. So truly my only option is a diary.

Depression is hard to understand for most people, and those that are depressed deal with it in different ways. For me, healing the sorrow is done by venting/talking/letting it all out. Sleeping it off also works wonders.. kind of like when you had too much to drink. If I go to sleep, almost 100% of the time I will wake up and the monsters are gone. I also try to keep myself occupied by either cleaning, making jewelry, etc etc to take my mind off of things. And being alone is another great way. To the outsider, people seem to think I'm avoiding them or not wanting to be social, thus dragging myself deeper in dispair. This is completely the opposite. To me, I'm avoiding people so I won't have to inflict my pain on others.. also the peace and quiet does wonders to my brain & calms me down. :)

That's depression.. a knock-down, drag-out fight and can be a huge pain in the a$$. But I'm proud of myself for learning how to deal with it better. And it's not so much a fight anymore now that I'm learning ways to heal. And the support I have now is amazing. Kevin has been absolutely an angel for me. His kind words, positive influence, and understanding has actually made me less depressed and with fewer "attacks" (as I call them). He never seems to mind when I tell him "honey I'm sad again, help." He is just there for me to hug, hold, and comfort. I can't tell you how great that feels.. to be accepted, loved, & cherished for just being me. No matter what mood I'm in or what problem I'm having, I always know Kevin will be there for me and love me. :) So yeah.. I have a "mental illness", but I'm also a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful person in my life.

A little history on me: I was diagnosed with depression at 14 years old. I really wanted to kill myself and told everybody that. Eventually the school found out and called in a special counselor for me to see a few times a week. I was considered an "at-risk" teen and had to be pulled out of class a lot to talk to this social worker. I started taking meds for my depression when I was 16. Off and on I was on meds until present day, at 30 years old. I understand and accept the fact that I will probably be on them for the rest of my life, but I don't care. They are working great and helping so no complaints on my side. And I really like how most people are shocked to find out I even have depression in the first place. I am a cheery, happy person most of the time. And I do love my life. I love being able to say that too: I love my life! :D

Recent Etsy Purchases - Organization Sensation

2009-12-29T10:24:00.000-08:00

My recent handmade goodies I have purchased from etsy.com that I thought I would share with everybody. :)

Camo Knapsack Purse from http://vicarlo.etsy.com
I fell in love with this purse instantly because it's just so unique (and camo of course). It has 7 pockets , 3 internal pockets, 2 with Velcro. Lining made of heavy canvas. 2 handles so you can carry it by the sturdy strap over the shoulder or carry handle. Eco-friendly: made out of a recycled pair of pants. :) $36

Skull Camo Card Case from http://GracieDesigns.etsy.com
A business card holder with style. No more bent cards floating around in my purse. :) $8

Neon Skulls Nintendo DSi Case from http://BagEnvy.etsy.com
You can't go wrong with a case that holds 12 games along with your Dsi system and charger. Most cases just hold the DSi and you have to tote the games separately. :P This is a great little case that folds up into a nice and tidy wallet. $18

Wonder Woman Passport Holder from http://DumbKidDesigns.etsy.com
Travel in style with Wonder Woman. Made out of a recycled comic book. Laminated in plastic and sewn along the edges for reinforcement. $8.

Highlights of Cruise, Christmas, and Everything Else

2009-12-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

I'm excited about my Christmas present coming in soon that I bought from thinkgeek.com. It's a duo NES/SNES console that plays BOTH retro Nintendo and Super Nintendo games. Awesome, huh? I've been going crazy buying games but they are super cheap (only about $4-10 ea) so I figured why not.. I mean I'm using my Etsy earnings to pay for everything so it's not like it's coming out of my paycheck. I have 13 games coming my way (for now hehe) including 2 versions of Zelda, Return of the Jedi for SNES and a bunch of role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons and Dragon Warrior. Kevin is excited about the NES/SNES too, which makes things even more awesome. :) He asked me if I wanted a Wii and I said"screw the Wii, I want the original Nintendo." I've never really liked the Wii. I guess I'm one of the rare few on the universe that doesn't like it. haha. :)

I can't believe Christmas is next week. I finally finished Christmas shopping yesterday so I'm all set- just need to wrap everything. I am extremely bah humbug this year and didn't even send out cards, buy any Christmas-themed crap, or put up any holiday decorations. Kevin and I were too lazy to put up the tree so we don't even have that lol. There is no indication that a holiday is approaching in our house except for boxes everywhere from Kevin and I buying tons of sh*t for each other. Online shopping is the way to go I'm telling you. We tried going out shopping last Saturday and omg! I thought I was going to f*cking punch somebody in the face!! It was REALLY bad and I wasn't expecting Independence to be crowded like that.. Overland Park yes, but not Independence. Oh and then Kevin and I went to see 2012 (meh) later that night and some guy was clipping his toenails or something in the theater.. all we could hear is clip, clip, clip. And this group behind us kept talking almost the entire time. It was one of the worst movie experiences I've ever had lol. It was funny though. :D

I had a really good time on my cruise. Too good. It took me about a week to get back into the swing of things here and back to reality. I cried when I was leaving the ship because I didn't want to leave - I was having that much fun. :O I did miss Kevin a lot though and agreed that we are never going to travel without each other anymore hehe. It was just way too agonizing not having him there.

I was quite the social butterfly on the cruise. I was dancing and hanging out at the club every night, playing poker at the tables, taking line dancing classes, playing Name that Tune, drinking, playing Bingo, doing karaoke (twice), and even volunteered for a game show in front of about 100 people. I made a lot of new friends too!! It was so funny me and a few others made a "35 and Under Club." I was the recruiter hehe. I would literally go up to people who looked under 40 and asked if they wanted to join our club, and told them where we usually hung out. We had a little group of about 15-20 of us, haha, it was awesome (average age on the ship about 65 lol). I tried telling one couple I was actually kind of shy and they gasped in shock and told me there was no way I was. It's funny to me how such a cheerful, happy environment can bring me out of my shell, while other environments can stifle me and make me extremely quiet. I guess I adapt to my environment like a chameleon.

Everything else on the cruise was good times except the huge blow up we had between the three of us. Day 7 was when we all lost it and got in this huge screaming match. I ended up slamming the door and spending the next 3 days wandering around the ship by myself. Thankfully I had my friends to hang out with, but still it was a little awkward and put a huge dark cloud over the rest of the vacation. Note to self: no more family vacations - I'm pretty sure that was the last one. :) And also no more getting totally wasted.. my mom was saying how hurt she was when I walked out on her at the club and yelled at her when I was trying to read my book. I did? I have no recollection of either of those lol. Damn drinking and blackouts I'm telling ya.. I don't like that.

What else what else. Oh! Kevin and I went to Star Wars in concert last week here in KC. It was AWESOME!! But, for some reason I thought Power and Light was in Liberty?? lmfao!! It's right there in downtown KC!!! WTF I really need to lay off the alcohol!!

Oh and best Christmas present ever goes to my boss, who asked me what I wanted, and I told her a red stapler. So she got me a red Swingline stapler. Hahaha. Geeks FTW.

Cruuuuuise!

2009-11-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Whoops haven't written in awhile - sorry! I haven't really been that busy or anything.. just haven't been in the writing mood lately I guess. It happens! :) And I'm actually thinking of writing a book soon, too!! odd. hehe. I think I'm going to write a sci-f novel but targeted for a female audience. There are just not that many women into sci-fi and I want to change that, and have them appreciate the genre more. How I'm going to go about doing that —- I don't know! The only thing I do know at the moment is that my main character's name is going to be Zorla. :) That's about all I got..for now. Lol.

I am SO EXCITED!!! November 23 I am going on a 10-day cruise to Panama Canal with my mom and sister!! YIPPEE!! It also stops in Costa Rica, Aruba, and Curacuao!! YAY YAY YAY!!! My sister and I are going to dive in Aruba, and in Costa Rica we are going to go hiking through a rain forest. In Curacauo we are going to see how the liquor is made - you know, blue Curacauo - and go on a folklore tour. I seriously can't wait. My sis surprised my mom and I too but upgrading to a suite with a verandah! I have NEVER been in a verandah suite on a cruise before!! I feel like such a princess!!!! THe only thing that's gonna suck is no cell phone or internet coverage, so I won't be able to talk to Kevin. There will be an internet cafe on the cruise that I can go email him then but they charge an arm and a leg per minute. I can't remember how much it was last time, but I remember paying about $30 just for using the internet. SHeesh! I guess that's a lesson learned, to just throw those things away for a week and just sit back and relax without any electronica rotting your brain like it does every day in the real world. I told Kevin I would email him, but I'm also going to try and just relax for a week without the internet. I could probably use the break anyways! I actually get eye strain and a twitching eye sometimes if I use the computer too long. lol! geek injuries.

Aww I just got a nice compliment from one of the managers downstairs. He always calls me asking for help with various things and today I helped him with our email system, Groupwise. I guess he called IT asking for help and they told him it couldn't be done. Um, yes it could be done because I just did it. haha. He said I "was better than IT." I wouldn't go THAT far, but it's still nice to be appreciated and complimented. :)

Kevin's b-day is tomorrow! The big 39. He hates his age and his gray hair and thinks he's getting old, but I think he's sexy as hell. Gray hair is SEXY. I am so excited about his birthday. We are going to Hermann MO (wine country) this weekend and staying in a Bed and Breakfast! That's what he wanted was a romantic weekend getaway, so I picked out the B&B. It's really cool, it's in this builiding that was built in 1899 and I guess this particular B&B was in the top 1000 things to see before you die book. Awesome huh? Only 999 more to go after Hermann! Hehe. I can't wait. I also got a few more cool things that I can't disclose just yet, because he might be reading this. :) But guaranteed he will love it. :) I can't wait to give his his gifts. I have never been so excited about anyone's b-day before!! Woo hoo my baby's special day!!!!

Today is Veterans Day. Kevin was in the army for 14 years and served 2 years in Iraq in infantry. Before infantry he was a flight engineer for special ops. He's done a lot of covert/secret things he can't even tell me about, but he has told me a lot about Iraq. Wow. That's all I can say.. wow. He is a hero. Everyone who has ever served in the military is a hero to me. He's been through so much.. I mean he was right on the frontlines in a HumVee sitting at the turrret at the top. He's seen everything. He's been through everything. I get chills just thinking about it, and I can't even watch any war movies anymore without getting tears in my eyes because I always think that could have been him! Thank you baby for everything you've done for our country! I love you so much!! My HERO!!!!!

I have a little hole in my left hand right now where the dermatologist decided to remove yet ANOTHER mole! Ugh! This one hurt so bad because it was in the PALM of all places. The stitches were annoying me so much that finally yesterday I just pulled them out while sitting at my desk LOL. I probably shouldn't have done that, but seriously try moving your hand around with stitches in it.. yeah... doesn't work too well. :)

Oh yes and diet... HA!! What does that word mean? I'm still 165 lbs though so whatever, I'm good. Not after this cruise though lol I'm probably going to gain 10 lbs. But who cares?? That's what cruises are all about! Good eating!

Health

2009-09-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to jinx myself and call this thing I'm on a diet, but my "lifestyle change" or "live-it" so far is going amazingly well. Granted, it's been 3 days, but usually those are the hardest, and I find myself not struggling with food at all. :D I have cut down my calories so much. I eat about 600-700 for breakfast/lunch and then come home and eat whatever Kevin makes for dinner (usually about 300-1000 cal depending on what he makes). Dieting is kind of like a science. To lose 1 lb, you have to burn 3500 calories. That means you have to eat 3500 calories less than what you normally would. I think I was eating about 2500/day and now I'm down to 1600 or less. That means I will lose about 2 lbs/wk. WOOT!! Oh, and I'm refusing to use the scale. I'm not going to step on the scale until I'm done with my diet. Why, well, I don't want to be discouraged. I also don't want to get the notion that if I lose weight rapidly, that means I can go have a box of Twinkies. That's not the way this works hehe. So, I'm going to avoid the scale for 2 months. I should just pitch that thing all together. Who really gives a f*ck, you know? :)

So.. I haven't had a beer in 4 days and I barely even care. I am going to get those Miller MGD 64's though and drink one every now and then as a snack. I don't believe in omitting things entirely from a diet because you end up going crazy and will go on a pig-out rampage. It's better to cut back and allow yourself a treat every now and then. My weekends will be my relaxation time where I can eat whatever I want - the only caveat is that I must monitor what I eat. Kevin said he would help me, so I have tons of support already! I'm already on my way to feeling better about myself and my body!!

My ingredients for success: support from others, determination (where being stubborn is a good thing hehe), and a positive attitude. Believe in yourself and good things will happen to you.

I think I weigh 165-170 lbs last time I checked, but I'm not entirely certain. When I moved here 3 years ago I was 135-140 lbs but I had just gotten out of the Air Force.. so unlikely I will ever be that weight again lol. Realisticly I'm thinking I should be about 145-155. I still want to keep my curves because being a toothpick is not my idea of beautiful (to some it is, but not me). And yep I don't have much weight to lose - even better!! :)

I'm drinking 8 glasses of water a day too, something I haven't done in years. Water is so vital to good health because it flushes out all the toxins in your body and hydrates your cells/skin. It's the best vitamin!!

I haven't touched a cigarette in 6 months as of tomorrow. I feel amazing. I can't stand the smell anymore and I feel sorry for people when I see them smoking or hear a raspy voice. I think, "yeah I was there once." Quitting smoking has been the best decision for my health I have ever made, and I am never, Never, NEVER going back to that lifestyle. I am better than that, and I want to live until I'm an old wrinkled woman. I work in a heart hospital and most of our patients have or were former smokers - about 70% of them. Most of them are in their 50-60's. It doesn't take that long before all those toxins in cigarettes destroy your heart and lungs. Death is possible from heart surgery too because it's such a complicated procedure (about 4-8 hrs) and puts a huge strain on the heart and body. Most of these surgeries/deaths could be prevented if they never decided to smoke. It's just so sad. See.. I think about that whenever I gaze behind the counter at the packs of cigarettes. Never want to touch those stupid things again.

So that's my thoughts for today - health. Next on my list is exercising but I will do one thing at a time, thank you very much (my excuse for procrastinating) hehe. I think I'm going to take up jogging again. ;P

Ghosts, spirits, and higher planes of existence

2009-09-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

I can't explain how I'm feeling right now other than I'm completely, 100%, madly in love. I have never felt this way about anybody before.. nor have I connected so well with another. It was like we were meant to be together. Soul mates. And I kind of knew Kevin was my true love - I saw "him" in my vision when I overdosed on cocaine when I was 19 years old. I want to talk about this further with everybody, because it's really interesting. I also want to explain about George (our ghost in the house - don't laugh). :)

Most of you know I OD'd. I talk about it often because it was a very traumatic, life-changing experience for me. I had stopped breathing for a time (unknown how long I was knocked out for) and while I was unconscious I had a very vivid and clear near-death experience. God talked to me, I met my guardian angel, I walked in a tunnel -typical near-death experience. However what was unusual about mine was that I was given glimpses of my future (not the past as most people report they experienced). These glimpses evolved in front of me in a circular pattern and were about the size of tv screens, in full color, then would fade away after a few seconds of "play". I saw many odd things I didn't really understand at the time, and still don't. But one that stands out to me was the picture of a couple, whom I knew was my husband and I. He was shorter than me with grayish hair and a little overweight. I was a little overweight in the picture too, and older. We were waving and standing on a big lawn in front of a cute white house with a huge front porch around it. I can remember this still as clear as day, even though it happened over 10 years ago. I remember thinking to myself who is that man? What kind of house is that (because it looked unlike anything we had in CA). I was very puzzled, but at the same time, I felt enlightened. From then on I waited. I knew my true love was out there somewhere and would come to me. I also knew I wasn't ever going to marry a tall man. I never told this to anyone I dated, but it was just something I sensed, and knew. :) (And yes I'm absolutely fine with this - height doesn't mean anything to me; a person's soul is what counts). Several years pass and the guys I dated came and went. And then I met Kevin.

I will be honest, when I first met Kevin at Buffalo Wild Wings I barely even gave him a second glance. I was dating someone at the time, so I wasn't "looking" nor was I even really "noticing" other men. But he sure noticed me. :) After my ex and I broke up, well, the rest is history. That first date was when I realized this man was unlike any other man I've met before. I just felt something I haven't felt before. Pretty much from that point forward was when I knew that man I saw in my vision was standing right in front of me. It was almost like a part of me that was missing, like a puzzle piece, finally snapped into place. :)

George

I have never seen a ghost before (other than my near death exp) until I saw our house guest, whom we've named George, about 2 months ago. I woke up early one morning, about 4 am, because Charlie was whining and pawing at my arm. I looked down at Charlie and when I looked up, there was a man standing there plain as day. He was overweight, wearing blue faded overalls, and holding what looked like a garden hoe in his right hand. His hair was gray and slightly balding on top. In my sleepy stupor I thought it was Kevin so I said, "hi baby" until I realized immediately that this definitely wasn't Kevin!! This man looked at me for a few seconds, smiled, then said something to me (which I completely missed since I was wearing ear plugs), and then vanished. I immediateyl woke Kevin up and told him I saw a ghost! I was so excited and told him if he comes back I'll wake him up. Kevin was like omg NO lol lol. I was thrilled. Why, I don't know, but I am not afraid of ghosts at all. I think because I came so close to the edge and back. Which is why I think George appeared before me and not Kevin, so he wouldn't scare him. I at first thought George was a ghost living in our house, but after mentioning this story to a few people I came to the conclusion that our ghost friend was actually Kevin's guardian angel. My friend Jenna thinks that George was watching over Kevin for me until I came into his life.. and now that I'm here, George went back to the heavens. I do believe that's true because I haven't seen (or heard) any signs of our house guest since then. I also think George was trying to tell me to take care of Kevin for him. I didn't hear it audibly, but I just sensed that was what he was trying to say. :) Indeed I shall. I want to take care of Kevin until the day I have to part ways with this earth, and move on to a higher plane of existence. Till death to us part. But not part.. because we will be together in heaven, too.. someday. :) because we were meant to be together... because we are soul mates.

Freedom From Food

2009-07-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

I just stepped on the scale and almost cried. I lost 7 lbs! As a recovering binge eater/bulimic, this is AWESOME news. I have noticed too, that snacks I have bought 2 weeks ago are still on the shelf. Maybe even 3 weeks ago. This is also a first for me in about 2 years. Usually when I buy a snack item, it's gone in a day or so. The entire box/bag. I'm so proud of myself!!! Does this mean I'm healed of all eating disorders? When can I actually say I'm healed, anyways? I mean how do you know when you've fully recovered? Or are you always in recovery?

Wow, what a nice feeling I'm experiencing right now. I just feel so much more relaxed with my relationship with food, and my body. I'm not obsessing anymore about every little calorie (like I used to). I used to mentally add up in my head how much I ate for the day, and how much I had left to eat. Isn't that sad? Now I just eat what I want. For example, I used to purposely not eat cheese or peanut butter because it was "fattening" but you know what, f-that. I had a Subway sandwich the other day with Pepperjack cheese (for the first time in probably 10 yrs) and you know what, it was f*cking good too. haha. So the hell with it you know. I think that's why I'm losing weight, too. Because I'm not depriving my body of anything now, so I don't crave anything. I hardly even eat sugar anymore, and I've been eating salads like crazy. STRANGE!! I love this newfound freedom!!

Woot!!!

The Butterfly Effect

2009-06-23T15:25:00.001-07:00

Well I'm glad people are reading my blogs. I was starting to think nobody was. It wouldn't really matter to me one way or another, but it is nice to know that people are interested in what I have to say. :)

Right now I'm thinking about the Butterfly Effect. If you haven't seen the movie, you should go watch it because it's really intriguing and has a lot of truth to it. Another movie that deals with this topic is Germany's Run Lola Run (Lola Rent) - another awesome film!! I'll pull up the exact definition from answers.com: "(physics) In a chaotic system, the ability of miniscule changes in initial conditions (such as the flap of a butterfly's wings) to have far-reaching, large-scale effects on the development of the system (such as the course of weather a continent away). "

I was sitting here just thinking "what if?" I mean I've been through so much in the past three years. What if my parents never divorced? What if I didn't get discharged from the Air Force? What if I decided to stay in California and never moved to Kansas? What if I decided to move back HOME to California? It's so fascinating to me to think about what my life would turn out like had I decided to take a different path. It's a little scary to think about too!! I mean think about it - one little motion can have an impact on your entire life. This is so true. What makes me think about this is when I first became friends with Nick (my best friend). We were at a co-workers retirement party at Jayhawkers and casually knew each other from work, but never really talked or anything - just hellos and goodbyes when we saw each other at shift change. Well, I decided to change seats from my friends and sit next to Nick that night. Why, I dunno, but had I not done that, would we have ever became friends? Maybe, but probably not as close as we are now. Would I have ever joined the Jeep club? Probably not. Would I have ever met Kevin (my boyfriend), since I met him through the Jeep Club and Nick? Highly doubtful. It's so fascinating.. how one little thing such as a seat change. Even DECIDING to go to the party in the first place. I mean.. wow... :)

That is why when I make a decision on things, I think about it for awhile and weigh the pros and cons and try to find the best solution. Because of this chaos theory. I also try to choose my words carefully.. even one word can f*ck up an entire relationship or friendship. So intriguing.

Here are links to those 2 movies I was talking about. Go see them!!

http://www.amazon.com/Run-Lola-Franka-Potente/dp/B000021Y77/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1245797882&sr=8-1 ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1245797882&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Effect-Infinifilm-Ashton-Kutcher/dp/B0001Z52RU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1245798121&sr=1-1

Jeep Jeep Jeep!

2009-06-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

I tried going to bed about 2 hours ago and couldn't, so I'm just going to write in my blog for a bit. I took a vicodin for my back expecting to pass out already, but I think my body is getting used to pain pills. That and they don't work entirely all that well.. I mean they dull the pain a lot but my back is still hurting and probably will for awhile. Wheeling yesterday probably wasn't the smartest idea for my back either, but well.. it's one of those "gotta go do" type of things. :) I had so much fun!!! Kevin, me, Nick, his girlfriend Heather, Reed, Kevin M, and Cory all went to Kansas Rocks, a 4-wheeling park about 2 hours south of here. It was my first time there and MUDDY as hell! Everyone drives without doors so there was mud everywhere. I ended up getting in a mud fight with Kevin M too, who almost pushed me into a huge mud puddle! My bf Kevin grabbed me just in time but then I went chasing off after Kevin M and smeared his shirt good with a handful of mud. We consisently did that to each other throughout the day lol. He got me good in my ear and I got him accidently in the nuts. By days end, both Kevin M. and I were the muddiest ones of all LOL it was so funny. Then we went to Buffalo Wild Wings afterwards all looking like shit and stinking, but no one seemed to notice!! haha!! It was just a perfect day. It's so cool too that Kevin's friends all adore me... and I love them too! They are such a great group of guys.. really down to earth and sweet (even though they try to act like hardasses - yeah I can see RIGHT through them hehe). One of the better parts of the day was when Reed turned to me and said, "I feel like you're the little sister I never had." Aww!!! I could have hugged him right then and there, but I didn't because I know while you're Jeepin, you're in the zone. The man zone I guess you can call it. But I did call out to Reed later and tell him that we are officially brother and sister now, and he said "OK!"... hehe.. it was just awesome. I feel like all of these guys are part of my family now. :) Pretty cool, how I feel closer to my friends here in KS/MO then I ever have with any of my friends in CA. The people here are just nicer and care more about others. Generally speaking of course.

I still haven't taken my Jeep out, and after KS Rocks I doubt I would want to. I can't fix my own Jeep and I would really have a heart attack if anything happened to it. And I don't like the idea of "honey please fix this" or "help me I'm a helpless female" either. Plus I keep getting flashbacks of doing endos back in the day when I used to dirt bike ride. I SUCKED at dirt bike riding.. always crashing and shit.. Soooo I am probably going to stay a passenger. Which is totally fine, but I know I'm going to get a lot of crap for it in the club. I get a lot of crap now for not wheelin but I don't care. To each his own, right? I don't have to wheel to be cool. :) People that wheel are cool though. :)

"I'm in it for the ride, baby." I should get a t-shirt. Seriously though - just riding along with the guys and admiring all the scenary and flowers and trees... and camping and all of that fun stuff.. well... is just perfect. It brings me back to when I was in college and always camping and having fun with my friends. All the laughter and jokes and late night drinking around the campfire.. yeah.. pure bliss. And sharing these moments with my boyfriend, well, I'll just put it this way... I'm a lucky girl. :D

Summer!

2009-06-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

I've been having the best summer ever and it hasn't even really started yet lol!! Oh man, the NIN concert last Wednesday kicked ASS - Trent Reznor sounds absolutely amazing live.. wayyyy better in person. And Rockfest on Saturday - well that was just awesome. I had fun looking at all the crazy people walking around (all 50,000 of em) and my boyfriend and I pointing them out to each other lol. Lots of boobies and bellies hanging out that shouldn't have been hanging out hehe. And I got to see Theory of a Deadman!!! I was so happy. They sound great live, too! There were about 15-16 bands there total, including Shinedown, Rev Theory, Saving Abel, Korn, and Drowning Pool. It was soOOoooO hot though omg.. I kept dumping water over my head and walking around in soaking wet clothes. I was totally happy after I did that though because it kept me cool. And I didn't even get a sunburn on any part of my body, unlike most people... wow. I saw some people that were just completely crimson red. Ouch!!!

Camping next weekend but forgot where we're going. I still need to get a sleeping bag! I'm so excited. I haven't camped in sooooOOoo long.. I haven't done anything in so long and I am very, very, VERY glad to be up and out of the house. :)

I'm getting a few new tatts soon - the pics on the right —>. I want to get the Star Wars rebel insignia and the jinx skull/nerd, but I haven't decided where I'm going to put them yet. My boyfriend said if I get the rebel logo, he will get the Imperial symbol to match mine. When he said that, I turned to him and said, "I f*cking LOVE YOU!" lol. He said I should get the power on button somewhere and I think I might just do that, too. :) Geeks FTW... yeah, we are both geeks, and I love it. We get along so great because of that.

Everything else going well. I'm moving in 3 months.. more details to follow as the time gets closer. :) More etsy postings to follow, as well. I haven't been shopping much lately, so that is why I haven't been posting much. Go economy and lack of funds!!!

My awesome boyfriend Kevin

2009-05-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Kicking things up a notch - it's time for happier topics, like my awesome boyfriend. I have completely fallen head over heels in love with this man, and it was purely by ACCIDENT! Don't you just love those happy fairy tales? We have one of those!! He is so great.. I can't stop talking about him or thinking about him. He has completely revived my life. I felt 60 years old in a 30 year old body for the longest time.. but now I feel like I can live again. We have so many shared interests - so many in fact, that I am just beaming!! Omg! You mean I can actually have fun with my life now, and SHARE my enthusiasm with another person?!? It was what I had always wanted in my significant other, but never really was able to find! Why it was so hard for me or why it took so long.. I don't know!!! But I'm soooo thankful now that I have found him, and he has found me! We found and rescued EACH OTHER!

It's so crazy and strange how life can be sometimes.. how you can stay with somebody for so long and figure that this is the best you can do, and that you probably won't find anything better. I truly believed that for years!!! WHY!?! WHY should you settle for something? I think back now to all the previous relationships I had.. and if I would have just settled, I would have been completely miserable!! THANK GOD I waited to get married!! I HAD to wait.. some people are lucky and find their true loves immediately and get married, but not me. God wasn't ready for me yet to find my true love. Maybe he wanted me to find myself first? :)

Kevin, you are amazing. I love you for everything that you are and how you make me feel each and every day. I can't even put into words how I feel about you, but I hope you know that I love you very, very much. Thank you sweetheart. xoxoxoxo

Thoughts on jealousy

2009-05-19T06:40:00.001-07:00

So my thoughts yesterday were about jealously, so I thought I would elaborate on this further. First of all, this is really one those emotions that is a waste of your time. To be jealous of somebody is to wish you had more in your own life. Why cause yourself to suffer this way? Love yourself for who you are and appreciate YOUR qualities and YOUR life.. do not send out negative energy to the universe, because it will only radiate within you and cause you more pain. Accept that some people in this world will always have more than you. It's just a fact. Big deal.. enjoy just being you and what you have. Do not be so concerned about what you don't have. If you live a life always wanting more, you will always receive less and less.

I am delving into this topic because I lost *3* friends in the past week alone due to this silly emotion. Is it fair, no, but I must accept their decision and move on. It hurts though to watch somebody walk away for no reason other than just being yourself. But if they are happier without me in their life, then I guess that makes me happy too. I wish them the best in life and hope that one day, when they look in the mirror, they will see themselves without distortion... and be able to smile back.

Thoughts on breaking up and relationships

2009-05-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been given a new chance on life. Just when I thought things couldn't be any more miserable, there he was. As soon as he heard my boyfriend had broken up with me, Kevin asked me out, and I accepted. Was it too soon, eh.. my ex and I weren't doing well to begin with. He was actually an ex that I went out with again because I really felt in my heart that we could work things out. Did I love him, yes, but not the way he wanted. And did he love me the way I wanted, no. There was a reason we broke up last year and I should have listened to that inner voice that told me not to go back.. but I did anyways. My stubborness gets me in trouble sometimes. I am now a firm believer if you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, there was a reason WHY you did, and you shouldn't try to patch things up again. You should just learn from each other's mistakes and move on. All the hurt, all the anger, all the sorrow and tears that were shed previously for each other just comes back when you get back together again. It doesn't go away. And you're always wondering if he/she will hurt you again, and if you will hurt them. So no, reconciling a previous romance = epic fail. I am over it. I feel better just knowing this simple truth that breaking up means another chance. Another chance at falling in love, caring deeply for another, and possibly finding your soul mate that we all deserve to find.

Epidural

2009-04-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

Well I had my epidural today for my herniated disc and tear in my back. It definitely was NOT as bad as what everyone was telling me.. but then again I told them to please sedate me as much as they could haha. The doctor even told the nurse, "this one needs more juice." hahaha. I was so drugged up, I don't even remember the doctor really doing anything. I just remember him commenting about my Gumby tattoo on my back "we aren't going to hurt Gumby" and then the next thing I know, I'm told I was done. Anethesia rocks is all I can say. Whoever invented this fine medicine is a pure genious. I didn't even have to be hooked up to a monitor, tubing, or drips or anything when they put the IV in (like regular surgery). All they did was put the open IV in my arm and then bandaged it down with medical tape. The nurse then came in and injected me with the anethesia directly from a syringe into the IV. In about 2 seconds I felt like I was walking on clouds. No pain whatsoever. And I feel tons better already. I am so glad I went and kept my appointment. I am a total needle phobe and pass out a lot from shots, so I actually canceled my original appointment out of pure terror. But, when my back pain kept nagging at me and hurting I finally got brave and begged for my appointment back. It was well worth it.

So the moral of this story? When people grimmace at you and tell you "it's gonna f*cking hurt" or say comments to you about how large the needle is, just ask the doctor to sedate you as much as possible. What needle? I didn't see anything. What pain? It didn't hurt at all. Thanks, Dr. Kahn!!! :)

For more information about epidurals: http://www.spineuniverse.com/displayarticle.php/article1177.html

Life

2009-04-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

It's raining today and I love it!! I hope it keeps raining by the time I come home so I can relax and read. Last night I fell asleep reading on the couch at 8:30pm haha - the rain just lulled me to sleep. Luckily I keep my cell phone by me at all times and I have my alarm set to go off on it every day, just in case something like that happens. Which it usually does - I am always passing out. If I lay down for even 5 min I'm usually out. Maybe I have narcolepsy. Lol.

I've been doing great these days. I finally quit smoking for GOOD this time about 3 weeks ago. I was using the patch until I got fed up with them peeling off all the time - so now I'm sucking on those lozenges (probably a tad bit too much). They are so gross but once you get used to them they are like crack. I am almost out of my bottle so I ordered more on ebay - 3 packs of 24 for $19. I should probably buy some more haha. This lady at work quit smoking using the lozenges and she said 5 years later, she is still buying them. I guess it's ok to be addicted to nicotine as long as you're not smoking all those chemicals and crap.. right?

I'm finally losing weight too, and I did nothing but changed my eating habits around a little. My binging/eating disorder has finally died down too. I think I became bulimic from using Wellbutrin last year. I don't know why, but it did something crazy to my brain and I was more depressed than ever and just eating non stop. Thankfully I haven't had any "episodes" in about 2 months now. YAY! I'm pretty sure I am now a recovering "binge eater" because I don't feel the need to go on crazy eating sprees anymore. I was suffering from it so bad for about 2 years. It was awful. I used to come home and eat, and continue to eat for about 3 hours straight. I was putting about 4 - 5k calories in my mouth a day. I almost checked myself into a recovery clinic, it was that bad. But now I just eat slower and try to avoid the kitchen except when I'm preparing food - and I also stopped buying any snack foods, since that triggers the attacks. I can easily eat a box of cereal in one night, or cheezits, crackers, cookies, etc.. so no more snacks for me. It sucks when you open my fridge and it's totally bare, but I am in recovery, so I have to do what I have to do. :) I am happy nontheless, because I have made such substantial improvements. Now if I can just shake the 30 lbs I gained from all this, I will be a really happy camper! haha!

Oh and even more good news - I'm going on a 10-day cruise for Thanksgiving with my sister and mom! I am so excited. Kristi surprised me and said she is paying for everybody because she had a good tax return. I almost cried.. I thought that was so sweet of her. All I have to do is pay the airfare to Florida (where the cruise leaves out of) and excursion money, so about 1k for everything. :) We are going to the Panama Canal with stops to Costa Rica, Aruba, and Curacauo. This will be probably my 15th cruise - no joke! I used to use my tax return every year for vacations all the time, back when my family was an actual family (RIP dad - who hasn't died physically, but emotionally is gone). I have been to a lot of fun places like Venezuela, Jamaica, Haiti, Cancun, Grenada, St. Vincent, etc. and have scuba dived at almost every single place we've been to. I'm an experienced diver. From the looks of me you would never know, but I'm a good, strong swimmer. So is my sister. We are the fabulous "Diving Kinards." I can't freaking wait to go!! AHHH!!!

Well time for another crack lozenge. I'll try to write more on here when I have time. :) xoxoxo Jen

Some of my recent purchases

2009-04-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

I've been on this buying spree lately but still managed to get my credit card bill under $500 this month - crazy! Anyways, I thought I would share some of my latest purchases (from Etsy of course).

Handmade chopsticks. I fell in love with these immediately and didn't even really read the description - just clicked and bought! Haha. I got two pairs as shown from http://windandrain.etsy.com/ . I thought these were so beautiful, and only $7 each!! Great deal. The one on the far left has little Koi fish and the one next to it has maple leaves. I will put these to good use, as I eat rice every day. :)

Luna Moon Owl ACEO painting - as most of you know, I collect ACEOs which are miniature art cards the size of trading cards. I have about 100 of these now sitting on my coffee table in a binder. They are my PRIDE and JOY and I love them all so much. This cute little one-of-a-kind watercolor owl one was purchased from http://theowlbarn.etsy.com/ and $7.

Hungry Caterpillar and Wild Thing 1 inch recycled stamp magnets. These are really cool - they are button magnets made out of recycled stamps, and only $2.50 for a set of 2. The artist uses a high quality magnet for them too so they hold securely to the fridge (or wherever else you would like to stick them). These are both some of my favorite childhood storybooks, so I had to get them. From http://faffcreations.etsy.com/

Two Green Robots. I actually haven't bought from this guy in a LONG time, but I will be again here pretty soon. He makes awesome little robot figures out of recycled capacitors. They are tiny - about 1 inch tall - but they are just too cute to pass up. They look great on your office desk too, if you're into geekery like me. Check out his store at http://obviousfront.etsy.com/

Robots!

2009-03-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is dedicated to robots. Why? Well - robots are awesome!!

I really like this T-shirt! http://happyfamily.etsy.com/ makes all kinds of geeky screen printed T's, such as wind energy, vintage bicycles, and dinosaurs! Very unique and affordable - this shirt is only $16!

Bender earrings from http://charliecarter.etsy.com/ - her shop has all kinds of neat clay creations, like Pac-Man, Monsters Inc, and Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbusters! So original and cute! I love her shop!

Robot notecards made by http://vivalaviolette.etsy.com/ - a set of 8 for only $11, printed on white linen cardstock. CUTE CUTE CUTE!!!!

And the absolutely too awesome to pass up robot zippy by http://kaylah7.etsy.com - she has a bunch of fun zippies for sale that are well made and full of charm. :)

Crochet's the Day

2008-10-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

Today I'm featuring crocheted items. Pretty soon I willl be learning how to crochet - my class starts in 2 weeks! I don't know if I can get as advanced as these crafters, but we'll see!!! I might be pleasantly suprised. :D

I fell in love with this little guy - he's fairly decent size (12 inches) and only $9!! Hand crocheted with love by http://ArrivingAngels.etsy.com

These Star Wars amigurumis are ADORABLE. They are about 4 inches tall and I believe the seller makes these into keychains if you shall so desire. CUTE!! I love Star Wars so I had to feature these little guys. Made by http://deadcraft.etsy.com

http://pinkalligator.etsy.com makes the cutest crochet baby hats I have ever seen, like this owl one. Isn't it awesome? She has several different styles such as a pig, elephant, and hippo.

I love skull/gothic stuff, and this skull hat is screaming for me to buy. Gorgeous black and purple colors. Made by http://Funkiefresh.etsy.com

Funny Cops in Kansas

2008-08-29T07:47:00.003-07:00

I saw the funniest thing yesterday. There was an unusual amount of heavy traffic yesterday around 4:30pm as I was driving home from work. Well, it turns out the source of the traffic was because of a trooper sitting on his motorcycle drinking a Slurpee!!! LOL! he was just sitting there leaning back, watching traffic on the highway and sipping his drink. I swear only in Kansas lol. It was really hot yesterday though, and then we had this crazy thunderstorm that lasted about 2 hours. It was SO LOUD! I love the rain but wow sometimes it can really make me jump.

I am really excited, Jessica and Travis are coming into town next weekend (my friends from CA). I am going to take them to the Haunted Houses (www.kcbeast.com) - they open up this weekend! I think we might go to a few bars too but it depends how much time they have. They are actually here for a friend's wedding but wanted to spend time with me, too. :D

I am thinking about going on a little mini-vacation by myself somewhere, sometime in October. I have no idea where yet but I was thinking of doing the totally random thing like Michigan, Ohio, Chicago, Memphis, etc. Traveling is good for the soul. I'm really leaning towards Memphis. I keep hearing great things about TN and it's a beatiful state from what I have seen in the airport.

I will post some more of my Etsy purchases in my next blog. I am a buyer/consumer just as much as I am a seller, and I LOVE it!

Beautiful ACEOs

2008-08-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have a collection of over 80 ACEOs now and love every single one of them. I keep them all in a handmade binder on my coffee table and look at them whenever I feel the need for a cheer up. They are so beautiful and so unique in their own way, it's hard not to smile. <3>

For those of you that are wondering what are ACEOs, it stands for "Art Cards, Editions, and Originals." They are original artwork the size of trading cards, 2.5" x 3.5", and can be any medium - watercolor, collage, acrylics, photographs, etc. The whole purpose behind ACEOs is so that we can collect art that's affordable, and small enough so that it's not cluttering up our walls. It's a wonderful idea to me and so fun of a hobby because of the broad spectrum of artists out there, and the many styles of art. I personally favor watercolors and ORIGINALS. Every single one of my ACEOs is one of a kind, which makes them even more valuable to me. I love my collection and would probably grab my binder first in a fire. No joke! LOL!

Here is a small sampling of my collection, and some of my favorite ACEO'ers. Please check out their shops and support Etsy artists!

http://smalltownartist.etsy.com/ Smalltownartist features gorgeous watercolor ACEOs at a very affordable price, with free shipping. She is a very kind hearted artist and would highly recommended her to anybody wishing to start or expand their ACEO collection.

http://onekeenekat.etsy.com/ Onekeenekat creates stunning watercolor ACEOs and is very nice to deal with. She even painted an ACEO of my cat which is framed on my dresser. <3>

I definitely cannot forget http://backroomtreasures.etsy.com/ She has lovely ACEOs of just about any subject, such as animals, landscapes, flowers, and trees. Her prices are very reasonable too and her shop has a wide variety of ACEO originals. My favorites from her are her seascapes. They are just beautiful!

Latest and Greatest :)

2008-08-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

Wow I haven't written on here in quite some time - I'm SO SORRY! I've been very busy. Between dealing with my ex boyfriend, moving (I move into my new apartment in 2 weeks), and juggling work/school/Etsy it's been hectic! I love it though! I am really happy with the way my life has turned out. A complete 180 literally. I am going on 3 months now of not smoking, and I'm soooo proud of myself. :) And I'm really excited about my new place. I am buying a full living room set tomorrow at Nebraska Furniture Mart - a sofa, loveseat, 2 end tables, and a coffee table. Oh, and a rug. Can't forget the rug. :) I already have it picked out - it's at least $1200 for everything! Plus I want a flat panel LCD or plasma TV (haven't decided which one yet, but leaning towards LCD) and that's going to set me back at least $500. Thank God I save money for when I really need it. I really do need furniture. Otherwise I will be sitting on the floor!!!

I love school. It feels so great to be back in a classroom again after 4 years! I am taking a volunteer class right now called Tree Keepers for Heartland Tree Alliance. We are in training to be certified tree caretakers - i.e, tree planting, pruning, etc. I'm also taking about 4 craft classes (non-credit) and 2 entrepreneurship/small business classes (credit) to help my Etsy biz. I might get another degree in Entrepreneurship, but we'll see. :)

Everything else is going great. Work is fun. A lot of people have been telling me it's good to see me smiling and happy again. I feel the same way. :)

The Worst Food in America

2008-05-28T13:58:00.001-07:00

Food Kills!! Like literally. Check out this website it's a total eye opener!!
http://www.menshealth.com/eatthis/20-Worst-Foods/index.php

Randomness and Happiness

2008-05-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ok I thought this was really cute. A co-worker sent this to me. :)
how do I love you let me count the ways. 1. you are a great organizer 2. you are kind 3. you laugh at my jokes 501. you help me with my non-organizing skills 1007. you help me with my new job

Isn't that nice? That just totally made my day. Compliments go a long way and I think a lot of people don't know how to use them enough!! I did my part this morning and sent an email to Officemax complimenting their courier! Seriously if you ever feel the need to tell someone they are wonderful - DO IT!

Work is going well and has picked up quite a bit. I have been very busy lately - today I was actually sweating! That's when you know you're working too hard. :P It's kind of funny my hours are supposed to be 0800-1630 but I always come in early every day (close to 0730). Well, I never asked anyone if I can work 0730-1600 but I guess it kind of worked itself out.. because the lady that does the scheduling acknowledged my hours as 0730-1600. LOL. I was like, cool!! This job really rocks sometimes. I get so many privledges and benefits it's unbelievable.Sometimes it's SOOOO hard to be here but other times I can't imagine myself NOT being here. My 2 bosses (yes 2) are really cool too. I can just email them and go "I'm not going to be here next Wednesday" and they're like "OK!" lol. Once I told them I need a day off so I can take my cat to the vet lol and they were totally fine with that. I mean holy crap, am I lucky or what??! :P

Well, I haven't smoked for *9* days now and I was expecting myself to be in total agony and grumpy and everything, but you know what, I'M HAPPIER!!! 3 people today alone told me I am cheery and my face is lit up. YAY! It's true, I do feel way better about myself! I have been smiling and laughing ever since I went on Chantix. I just feel like I'm free finally. The doctor also gave me Wellbutrin so I am taking both right now to help with the cigarette cravings. They are both working GREAT. I still have slight cravings from time to time but I just tell myself "no" or distract myself with something else and the feelings usually pass. I have been snacking like crazy though because the physical part of smoking is still kind of there.. so guess what's next on my to-do list - DIET.

I had a mole removed on my back last week and now I have 2 stitches. :( I'm going to ask a nurse around here to pull them out for me soon - probably Anna because she loves doing stuff like that out of the norm of her everyday job lol. Once I had an infected scraped knee and she was more than happy to drain it for me. She was actually excited to do it! LMFAO. Only in a hospital. It's such a unique place to work at LOL I love it. Yeah but I have to go back in to dermatology AGAIN to get 2 more moles removed - on one my palm (of all places) and another between my toes. They are in complicated spots so I have to have a surgeon do it and get a local anthesia. UGH. The moles have to be sent to be biopsed and if they find that it's cancer I guess they have to do more tests on me and crap. I almost told the doctor I'm going to donate my moles to Bodies Revealed LMAO. I was actually giggling from thinking about it as he was removing the other one from my back- lol. The doctor was probably like wth?? lol. For those of you that don't know what that is, check it out here http://www.bodiesrevealed.com/ and find out! It's a really neat human body exhibit. :)

OOOh so excited, my package is here waiting for me at the post office. I ordered new charms to make earrings out of so I will probably be doing that tonight. I got a bunch of Disney stuff and other misc. goodies. :) I am definitely going to be working more on Jennlee this weekend too. I have a Heart Walk to go to on Saturday morning (walk for cancer) but after that I am going to hunker down!

Peace out until next time - :) <3 <3

Chantix and Medical Issues

2008-05-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

Well it's day 4 that I have started taking Chantix. You can smoke up to a week on this stuff so I've been trying to smoke as much as I can before I have to stop lol. My official quit date is May 19th. So far I feel very strange. I can't describe the feeling but it's almost like I'm floating in water. My brain feels weird too.. like I'm half asleep or something. Yesterday Staci (one of my bosses - I have 2-aren't I lucky lol) looked right at me and asked a question and i just looked right at her and didn't say anything. Like my brain just temporarily stopped working lol. And someone else tried to ask me something too and it went in but went right back out. I was like "Huh?" I'm supposed to be on this for 12 weeks too lol... not sure if these are normal side affects or what but hopefully everyone can put up with me for that long while I'm taking these. I heard a lot of bad things about these pills and a lot of good things, too.. there is a lot of mixed feelings. I guess that's with every drug though. Everybody reacts differently to different meds. My only complaint so far is the PRICE - It's very expensive ($120/mo) so I'm just hoping it WORKS! So far my cravings have gone down a little bit. yesterday I was lighting up cigs and taking two puffs and then putting them out. So I guess it's starting to work. But we'll see.
If anyone is worried or wondering - my home is SMOKE FREE! I do NOT smoke anywhere indoors, not even my own car!!

I have a dermatology appnt on Tuesday. The doctor noticed more suspicious/dark moles on my back that could be cancerous so I have to get them checked out. She was even more worried when I told her I DID have one that was melanoma (skin cancer) a few years ago and they had to remove it. I do have quite a few moles that are almost black looking. I don't understand why because I'm barely in the sun that long?? Why do I have skin cancer? She told me I better start wearing sunscreen and I think she's right. I have way too many medical problems for being 29. I seriously have a mile long list of all these crazy things that have happened to me over the years. Maybe I should make it into a blog entry lol. My poor mom I was always freaking her out going to the hospital and stuff lol. Aww she's so sweet though, she was always with me helping me out. God I love my mom. I can't wait to see her in July.

Anyways I will write again soon with more Etsy shop finds! I think next I will feature plushies and felt critters. :) <3

Food for Thought for Etsy

2008-05-10T14:12:00.001-07:00

Mmmm!! Yummy "Where's The Beef" cookies by The Fetching Hound's shop http://thefetchinghound.etsy.com/. Aren't these awesome? They are made out of cookies, peppermint patties, shredded coconut, and topped with seasame seeds. Lol. She also has these neat suishi rolls that are made out of rice krispie treats. Yummy!!

Another of my favorite food Etsians is DoubleDippedSweets (http://doubledippedsweets.etsy.com/). She makes WONDERFUL popcorn in all sorts of great flavors like cookies and cream, caramel, peanut butter, smores, and cinnamon roll. I sent a batch of the caramel corn to my mom and she LOVED it! Please check out her store. She is a wonderful lady and very very nice to work with.

The best snickerdoodles I have ever had are from Sassy Grace Boutique (http://sassygraceboutique.etsy.com/) . Omg, they were so soft and full of flavor! They were all gone in just a few days. I also bought some Braziallian chocolate truffles from her that were TO DIE FOR. This seller is amazing and such a nice person to talk to. She has a very large store full of fun and interesting items for just about anybody on your shopping list!

Yay Going to California to Visit Family

2008-05-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

Yay I'm so excited, I just bought plane tickets to go see my family in California for July 4th weekend AND Christmas! It's been a year since I've seen my brother and sister, and at least 2 years since I've seen my dad. Yikes!! I can't wait. Somebody better take me to Disneyland and the beach is all I've got to say lol! And I better eat an In n Out burger while I have the chance.

ROFL my cat is burrowing underneath my bed covers like a burrito, and making these funny noises while he's doing it. He's so cute. My little 13 pounder of love. lol!

David Cook was in town Friday. It was HUGE NEWS around here omg. They were following him around like the papparatzi. I didn't go to any of the events. I wanted to see him live, but not like that.. like some little groupie. I get really uncomfortable in huge crowds like that too, so I just sat at home and watched from the tv. He was literally only like a few miles away from my house. lol.

I haven't been making much jewelry for jennleejewelry lately. I just haven't had the energy. :( I've been working a lot on my other store http://dvrdown.etsy.com/ and making a few things there. Most of the time I have just been sleeping.

I went to the doctor yesterday and got a Rx for CHANTIX, which is a stop smoking aid that has a high success rate. It was $120 because it's not covered by my insurance, BUT think of how much money I will save in the long run for not having to buy cigs!! I am going to start Chantix in a few weeks. They said to make a quit date and I think I'll wait until Memorial Day to stop since I won't be at work that day. I hope this works. I am so tired of smoking.

Career Change?

2008-04-28T06:58:00.001-07:00

I haven't been updating my blog very well, have I? Sorry about that! I guess I just haven't been in the mood to write. I'm really seriously considering a career change of some sorts. My cousin is a pharmacy tech and she LOVES it so I think I might check that out. It would mean going back to school for awhile, but that's ok. I am going to see if KU Med (my place of employment) can pay for my classes for me, because I think the pharm program is almost $2k or more. As long as I will be an intern for the hospital they probably would pay for it.

I just have this itch for a change of pace in my life. Does anybody ever get like that? :) I thrive on the unknown and the excitement of it all! Some people can't stand it (like my mom) but I enjoy it. I do like stability though!!

I'll do some Etsy finds later when I get the time for it. :) Thanks for reading my bloggy.

Smoking Again Celebration!! WOOT

2008-03-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well my anti smoking thing didn't last long.. lol.. 4 days! I gave in on Sunday and told Jason he better give me a cigarette before I really start getting pissed off. OMG, my patch was the wrong size! I got the medium circle ones but I guess I'm a heavy smoker and needed the larger ones. No wonder my nicotine cravings never went away! I was like wtf why do I still want a cigarette. Sigh. Maybe I'll try again someday. I feel bad not because I wasn't successful, but because now I gotta face my coworkers! They give me so much sh*t as it is!! do not smoke and work in a heart center is all I gotta say. lol. SHeeSHHH!

To celebrate my lungs filling up with tar again, here are more fabulous finds on Etsy that I recently traded for! I'm addicted to trading! it's so much fun and I'm getting so many wonderful treasures.

Abstract ACEo Art Flower by http://bellacosaart.etsy.com/ . Abstract art is like coffee or beer. It grows on you and you really learn how to appreciate it. This little gem ACEO caught my eye and I just had to have it!! :) I have a cat ACEO collection at the moment and I think with Bella's new addition, I'm going to start a garden/spring theme with flowers, bunnies, landscapes, etc. That will look really nice on my wall. I have 2 ACEO frames coming that will hold 8 paintings each, that I can't wait to hang up!

Another beautiful piece by the same artist is this poppies pocket mirror!

My friend on Etsy (http://beadsidemyself.etsy.com/) said I have 2 split personalities - lol! I LOVE kitsch and accessories and wear tons of skull, camo, etc, but my jennleejewelry shop is very feminine. I guess I understand ladies and what styles are nice looking, but when it comes down to it, I would rather wear stuff like these awesome robot earrings I found! I don't even normally wear dangles, but I'm going to start now that I have these babies!! Robots were made by http://mountphoenix.etsy.com/ . Crazy kitsch! I wish I can wear THESE to work! That's how I feel half the time - like a robot!

Here is another talented artist http://cupcakescardsandgifts.etsy.com/ . I found the most darling wristlet and cupcake pincushion - all hand knitted! And yes I do sew and do needlework but have put that aside for now. I just don't have time for it!

I will post more fab finds later!!!! Time for a smoke! xoxox Jen

New Listings

2008-03-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

My shop (http://dvrdown.etsy.com/) has been doing pretty well lately! Everyone loves the alphabet bead gamer girl earrings such as these GEEK ones. LOL. They are pretty funny earrings. :)

Here are my latest creations! I love making laminate jewelry!!! I think next up is some Marilyn Monroe ones, and maybe a charm bracelet. :) If I make Marilyn, I am giving the bracelet to my sister because she's a HUGE fan of Monroe! There will be more Batman earrings in the works, too, as well as Scooby Doo and Pirates.

Not much else going on around here. My boss is gone Wed, Thurs, and Fri so I guess I will be browsing the internet EXTENSIVELY and hopefully gathering new ideas for new creations! :)

Some of my favorite things

2008-03-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

Hopefully I can buy these soon before they sell out. I've been buying so much stuff lately that I really need to watch my funds! Aren't the earrings gorgeous? They are made out of dichroic glass (http://barbaraostudio.etsy.com/).

Everyone needs a donut plushie from http://shuusei.etsy.com/ !

My sister would love these Marilyn Monroe blocks from http://stilettoheights.etsy.com/

A Very Talented Card Crafter

2008-03-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite card crafter, Andrea. Her shop web address is http://andrea02.etsy.com/ . Isn't she talented? I think her cards and designs are all so gorgeous! I found her on Etsy in the forums. I was just browsing through them one day (at work of course) and randomly clicked on something and found her shop. I bought this Mother's day card for my mom and it when it arrived I was instantly hooked and had to buy more! After this card, I purchased the Thank You and the custom Staci card for my bosses birthday. She is making me 6 custom ones total - I can't wait to see them all! :)

I am also keeping my eyes on more of her creations, including these:

My favorite Etsy finds

2008-03-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

I found these neat ACEOs (art card, editions, and originals) yesterday by the same artist Christy DeKoning (http://christydekoning.etsy.com/). She is so talented!! I want to buy more but I like collecting ACEOs from different artists. I love her work though.

I did purchase these 2 watercolor paintings from an artist in Nova Scotia (http://orangecrushed.etsy.com/). Aren't they funny?

Lol they make me laugh everytime I look at them. They are 9 x 12 size so I'm going to hang them on my wall above my computer in the spare bedroom. :) As you can tell, I love art, especially anything with cats!! I'm even having an artist paint me a watercolor ACEO of my cat, Bourbon (Burby). She hasn't finished it yet, but I will post a picture once it's completed!

My latest creations

2008-03-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

Here are my latest I Love Lucy earrings that I just posted on Etsy (http://dvrdown.etsy.com/) - they are made out of old trading cards! I thought they turned out cute.

I've been making a lot of laminate jewelry lately. This pair is my favorite with the hibiscus flowers. It's fun making this type of jewelry because it's different and unique. It also helps me get away from the grind of the other jewelry that I've made (http://jennleejewelry.etsy.com/). I just want all my stock GONE so I can focus more on the kitschy fun stuff!

I also posted new address labels that I hope someone will want to buy. I want to start getting into this more with custom labels, invitations, thank you cards, etc. I am so good with desktop publishing and need to expand on my talents!! :)

I got my hair cut on Friday and not really too happy with it. I told the lady to chop it off and she definitely did - about 6 inches!! lol!! Now it's curly and short, instead of wavy and long. My hair is naturally curly and when it's shorter like this I end up looking like a dandelion. Thank god hair grows back!!

I'm still in my pjs and it's 5:45pm on a Sunday evening. I love the weekends. I do not want to go back to work on Monday. Cry cry. My job is extremely easy but it can get so boring when I don't have anything to do. I have never browsed the internet so much in my life. :) My mouse hand was actually hurting on Friday from too much clicking, and I had to pop a left over pain pill from my hip surgery just so it would stop aching! lol!! Ok, that's bad when my hand starts hurting from using the mouse! Internet addict!! :P