Thursday, April 28, 2016

Staying Sober, No Fucks Given, Rise of the Machines

I miss blogging, I haven’t done it in a couple days and I feel like I’m missing out on something. I will try to write more, it’s also good therapy for my soul.

I had a falling out on Monday and drank the rest of my wine I had in the fridge. :( I felt like shit afterwards too and woke up feeling like crap. I haven’t touched any alcohol since then, I think I just needed to get that out of my system. Being drunk isn’t fun anymore to me. It amazes that after 30 days of not having anything, how much I have been able to abstain from drinking. And what’s even more cool, now I’m not drinking because I don’t want to, not because I “have to” or because I’m taking a 30 day challenge. I just don’t really want to. It’s very liberating, I feel like I am slowly getting my life back on track, and I am happier because of it. :)

Well I will be drinking this weekend in Texas but that’s a given haha. And my hotel is across the street and I will be with one of my best friends from the Star Wars groups, so I am in good hands. He will throat punch anyone messes with me. I told him to stay close and just keep an eye on me, not that I need a baby sitter or anything, but it’s always good to have a friendly protective eye.

My Return of the Jedi collector buttons are now live if anyone would like one, I am offering them to friends and family first before they go on sale to the public on May 1st. I am glad I did this because in 2 days I already had about 85 buttons sold. It’s been keeping me very busy in the evenings and my husband has had to read and put River to bed practically every night this week. He hasn’t complained at all though, which is awesome. I love and hate these button runs, that is why I took a year to make this one. It’s a lot of work!

Last night I went down to the Post Office at about 9pm in my sweats, flip flops, no bra, and my hair sticking up all over. I looked really cute, but no fucks given here. An old lady asked me why I had so many buttons on my purse. “Are you in the girl scouts?” LOL. It was adorable. I was using the automated machine to try and ease my load for the next day so I’m not holding up the line at the PO. I actually apologized yesterday to the people in line because I had 8 packages. I hate making people wait on my ass and yes I am very well aware that I should be using online postage “click and ship” or whatever the fuck it’s called. I am old school, and call me crazy but I like talking to people and the clerks. I was always like that when I went to the bank too, I never used the ATM, I went inside the bank and stood in line. I just like people, what can I say. I also feel like as a society we rely too much on machines and automated shit to get us by. If you have the time, take the time to talk to someone. You might learn something, or they might be enlightened by you. That’s how I always look at it. And before you say I’m a hypocrite with using the automated machine, lol, I am still going to the post office today. :P And I was using the machine for the postal workers convenience, not mine. Machines aren’t bad at all. But it’s still good to have social interaction every once in a while.

Today is Kevin and I’s 7 year anniversary of our first date. :) He took me to Side Pockets in Independence. I will always remember him pulling me into him and planting a kiss on me while we were playing darts. And how I called my mom afterwards and told her that “this is a good one.” He certainly is. <3

Alright I’m signing off for now, I’ll take my laptop with me to Texas and write a little so you guys know I’m still alive and safe. Peace and as Wil Wheaton says, “don’t be a dick.” My general words of wisdom today hehe.

Monday, April 25, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 31 Update

So last night I had the world’s smallest glass of wine.  It was so funny because I set it down on my desk with about 8 min left to go and completely forgot and picked it up and took a sip.  Must be those old reflexes kicking in.  I immediately realized my mistake and spit it out without swallowing it.  The alcohol was practically fermenting in my mouth, it was an unusual and bitter taste for me.  When the clock hit 12 o’clock I took a regular sip.  It burned a little as it went down my throat, and it tasted funny.  It was so strong!  I could barely drink it and had to take very small sips. When I finally finished the glass I actually felt a little tipsy lol. It blows my mind that I was able to down a whole bottle of this quickly and without an issue. It tasted disgusting to me.  On top of that, the wine kept me up late.  I finally crashed at 1:30am and had to wake up at 6. UGH.  I woke up this morning and felt like I had been partying all night, and thought to myself, yep I don’t miss this at all. I really don’t.  I am wondering if quitting drinking completely may be up next on my list of to-do’s.  I like being sober and it feels good being sober.  I will think about that for a bit and decide what I want to do.  I do know that it sure felt good to tell the clerk at Price Chopper yesterday that I had “quit drinking.”  I was buying my crack water La Croix and she asked me how those are.  I told her they tasted disgusting to me at first and they are an acquired taste, but that ever since I quit drinking they have been my saving grace.  She smiled at me and said, “I’m going through the exact same thing you are right now.”  We smiled at each other with a mutual understanding.  I just felt good saying that out loud.  It was the first time I had.  And I liked it.  And throughout all this I have found that many, many people out there are struggling with similar problems and issues.  I am not alone, even though I felt that way a lot. 

I’m looking at my little wall of pictures next to me right now and counting the pictures I was drinking in (that I can recall).  I counted 10 out of the 21 that I’m in.  50% drunk.  That really sums up everything.

Switching gears for a minute.  Last night I read a book to River called, “The Fat Cat – A Danish Folktale.”  It was from 1971.  You guys know I hate that word, but it looked like a funny book and River wanted me to read it, so I sucked it up and gave it a go.  And it was funny, we were laughing throughout the book as the cat kept eating people and getting bigger and bigger.  Until he met the Woodman with an axe.  The woodman fought back and swung his axe at the cat’s stomach and let all the people out.  There was a picture of the cat laying on its back as all the people pranced out.  River asked me in a very concerned voice, “What happened to the cat?  Maybe he’s dead.”  I said, “err I don’t know, I hope not.” I hesitated as I turned the page, but sighed with relief when there was a picture of the cat’s belly bandaged up.  I finished the book and wondered who the hell published this morbid thing, and it was Scholastic!  It was kind of disturbing. I did a little research on the book and it turns out it’s won awards!  What the fuck?!  I don’t know if this book is very appropriate for a 5 year old, so I’m going to tuck it away for now.  Maybe I’ll just donate it to the Goodwill and hope River doesn’t ask for it again.  I am not an uptight person but I don’t think River needs to read this.  Folk/fairy tales in general are kind of strange.. like Rock-a-Bye-Baby.  Down will come baby, cradle and all? So we are singing to our babies about dying from falling from a tree branch, great.  I never sang this song to River, I always found it to be a stupid song.  And how about Hansel and Gretel who threw the witch in the oven and cooked her alive?  Yeah…I’m also going to wait on that story too.  I’m all for preserving innocence as much as I can.  River will have his whole adult life for this stuff, anyways.


I watched this hilarious show last night while my insomnia was in overdrive – it was called “Sex Brought Me to The ER” or something like that.  hahaha.  It was awesome.  One guy had a vacuum cleaner hose stuck on him, one lady had a hemotomia erupt inside her while having sex and swelled up like a grapefruit, and another guy got stabbed with a marionette puppet.  For some reason or another they decided to bring the puppet into the bedroom with them.  lmfao.  One of the metal rods of this puppet impaled him 3 inches into his thigh.  I may have to start watching this show more often, it was so funny and the reenactments were B movie quality too.  You know how I love cheesy!!!

Well I am signing off for now, just wanted to post an update on how it was last night.  Not sure I will continue to post on fb or not.  I have kind of grown fond of blogging and sharing my thoughts with everyone more in depth than a couple of lines on fb.  I actually wish fb were more blog format. How well do we know people when we only read a couple of lines of a status update?  We really don’t. And especially when a lot of people pretend their lives are always perfect and hide their true selves on the internet.  There are a LOT of fake people out there.  My question is, why?  What are you afraid of?  Let your guard down sometimes, it’s ok to have problems and if people are going to judge you for having problems, then fuck them.  They don’t matter.  The only ones that do matter are the ones that care and love you no matter what.  Always look for those people in your life and don’t hesitate to drop the ones that can’t deal with your awesome self.  Because being imperfect is awesome.  You are awesome.  Remember that. xoxoxo

Sunday, April 24, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 30

The last day. I made it. I guess this should be my final thoughts entry like Jerry Springer does, huh?

This challenge has been that. A challenge. I was so excited about this day finally being here, and as I sit here typing this I'm kind of meh about it. Honestly the thought of drinking tomorrow is a nice thought, but I am hesitant about it. I have found that I like being sober and not relying on alcohol to make me happy. And I don't want to fall back into old habits again. The thought of my driving on the wrong side of the road flashes back in my mind. I don't want to be like that ever again. I think this challenge has taught me volumes on many things, like self-control, self-discovery, and how good it feels to be "clean" both in mind and body. And I like that. I liked how I stuck to this faithfully both with not drinking and my blog. My mother-in-law at my birthday dinner even said to me, "no one will tell if you have a margarita." I still refused. That's not the point here, the point was to go 30 days and I did. If I would have cheated a couple days before I was up, I would have felt like absolute crap. I'm glad I didn't give in. And my blog was a challenge sometimes too to write something. Some days I would just stare at my screen for the longest time, not knowing what to say. Other times, thoughts just flowed easily. I loved how everyone was very accepting and on board with this. I even told my friend one time on the phone, "oops gotta go blog! It's 11:30p!" I wasn't even asked why, they just knew. And that's pretty damn cool.

It feels great to smile and not be bothered by much lately. I'm actually a lot happier, and I owe it all to this challenge and my friend Trenton for encouraging me to blog. It's been such a healthy thing for me, and others who have also picked up blogging because of it. I find this all a huge win in my book. HUGE!

As far as my weight loss, I don't know. I haven't stepped on the scale since last week.  I was feeling good about myself until I stepped on and it said I gained 3 lbs.  I guess checking my weight after I gorged out on Mexican food the night prior wasn't a very good idea.  So I'm just avoiding it for now. The scale does not measure your self-worth.. something I always need to remember.

Lmfao, so our kid likes to take his ipad and record videos. Today he was doing it while I was getting dressed and Kevin was in the shower! We just went through them and laughed our asses off. He kept doing close ups of my butt. Then we went back and found all these other videos he made of himself being goofy.  Omg it was so funny.  Our son is crazy.. lol. We both had tears in our eyes.

I just took this pic about 2 minutes ago.  My hair is crazy and sticking up all over but I love Burby's face here looking up at me like, "the hell you doing, human?" Good question, cat. Who the fuck knows.

I still can't believe I did this for 30 days and it's over now.  I want to keep going! I like being sober.  I like myself sober, too.  It's a feeling of accomplishment mixed in with pride, happiness, and not being dependent on anything that wears you down.  I like this.  A lot.

40 minutes until I can drink.. lol.. hmm wonder if I should have a sip at 12:01?  I feel like I'm on New Years Eve waiting for it to hit midnight.  I'll have a few sips, if I can stay awake that long.  <3 p="">

Well, I'm going to go for now.  I'll probably write again tomorrow and give a follow up. Have a great night everyone.  The final countdown...

Saturday, April 23, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 29

I love this time of day, when the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping but me lol. That's usually how it is. I'm the last to go to bed, first one to wake up. I just love the sound of silence. Great, now I'm humming that song AGAIN!!

I worked pretty much the whole day selling off some of my endless piles of crap. I think I took like 60 pictures and I'm not even half done yet. I made about $19 tonight, so I'm happy. I'm working on a few trades too. I hope my Loot Crate expires soon, I don't remember when it does but most of the piles are from that monthly box of disappointment. This current month was just awful, I didn't like a single thing in it. Usually I at least like something but not this time. I'm just not a good all-around geek, my interests are too focused for Loot Crate. I realize this now.. almost 2 years later.

I cranked out the buttons today too. I have about 100 now ready to ship, and will make at least 200 more of the ROTJ and 100 each of SW and ESB. I'm probably going to bring some work with me to do in my hotel room in Texas. I don't know if I want to go to the horror con or not. Sitting in my room on a Friday night doing nothing but relaxing sounds AMAZING to me!!! I'll bring my own horror dvds to watch. Yeah, I think I might do that. I've never been to a con on my own and honestly I don't think I want to. When we went to Dragon*con last year, Kevin and I pretty much said "see ya" because we have completely different interests in panels, and we didn't see much of each other all weekend. And I was completely miserable. I bonded with a few people who I kept running into outside smoking, but that was it. That whole con is so huge I couldn't even find Rich, Bill, or the rest of my friends. I felt very isolated and alone amongst of sea of people. I told Kevin next time we go to a con together, I want to hang out together. All or nothing. He said ok. Needless to say, I doubt we will be going back to Dragon*con together anytime soon. :) Traveling with him is fun, but hard. We bicker a lot and it's usually because there is a lot to take care of. Tickets, did you bring this, did you bring that, we need to park here, etc etc. Kevin gets stressed out. It's weird. He's the most chill person I know and has gone through so much shit - shot at 2x, and watched as the Humvee behind him in his convoy blew up from an IED, helicopter crash, etc and nothing really stresses him out, but ironically, vacations do. The one time you're supposed to relax, he's on edge. I think it's because he wants to relax so bad and the process of getting to that relaxation takes a lot of work. That, and any large crowds of people both make us cranky. Combine all that and we are just a ball of fun when we travel together lol.

I'm supposed to troop tomorrow early but how in the hell am I going to do that and work a full day? I'll be home by 7p if I do that, and I need to do laundry tomorrow for Monday. Sundays are my laundry days. I might have to bow out of this one, I want to get home at a reasonable time and at least see my son for more than an hour before he goes to bed. I feel bad, I hate canceling last minute but I have 3 things to box up for shipment Monday too. I just have too much going on. Plus on top of that, I'm still awake and it's 11:30 at night. I mean, fuck. It's going to be a long ass day tomorrow.

This is my cat Burby (Bourbon) chilling on the windowsill not giving a fuck that he can't fit on the windowsill. We all need to be like Burbs. Don't fit in?? Who gives a fuck! Overweight and belly hanging out? Who gives a fuck! Just live your life the way you want to live it, and be happy.

I'm going to bed before I stay up any longer. Peace out bitches.

Friday, April 22, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 28

I finally found this pic from C7 when I fell down the stairs completely wasted. Look at that smirk, I was almost fucking proud this happened. I hate this picture. I'm going to save it and look at it and remind myself why I took this challenge. Ugh.

I had a really nice surprise when I came home from work today. My friend made me this tusken raider diorama to celebrate my 30 days of not drinking. I laughed so hard when I took it out of the box. Lol. This is what really happens when tuskens pillage through landspeeders! The little sign says "Congrats Jenni" in Aurebesh. <3 I thought it was so sweet, I started crying. I love it so much and I'm so grateful to have such thoughtful and caring friends. I know I say that a lot - but I mean it. My friends and family mean the world to me. Thank you all for being in my life.

I'm making this super short tonight. I know I said I'd write more but I don't think I can. I need to just veg out in front of the tv and watch some more of my horror dvds. It's weird but horror relaxes me. Maybe because I'm weird too?

Goodnight, world.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 27

Well I spent a good 10 minutes looking for my laptop, because I wanted to type as I was watching a movie but my husband stole it again lol. He's always stealing my laptops. You would think I can find the bright orange backpack I keep it in, too. I think he must have left it at work. Oh well, at least it’s getting used. I barely use it as it is. I mostly got it to play wow with my friend and have something to take on trips with me since Kevin took over my other laptop for hacking, and installed Linux on it. Living with an IT guy.. gotta love it. Lol.

I had a great birthday today. It was low-key and just spent it with family. We went to Jose Pepper's in Liberty since it's close by for everyone in our family. We usually do Liberty meet ups for any family functions. Then I stopped by Savers on the way home and found River some more used books for his growing stash. I found 15 of them for $8, gotta love it. I love encouraging our little book worm for cheap, and when he gets bored with them I’ll just donate them back. Buying new books is kind of not my thing. I usually buy used books for myself at flea markets and stuff, too.

Kevin ordered a margarita tonight, and he turned and looked at me and said, “sorry babe.” It was sweet, but I didn’t feel the least bit remorseful, and I didn’t even want a margarita. I don’t even crave beer anymore either. The only thing I am craving, and want badly, is wine. I love my wine about as much as I love horror movies, Star Wars, and energy drinks. I mean that’s pretty hardcore right there. My bosses even gave me a bottle of wine today and a huge wine glass, the kind that will fit the entire bottle. I can’t wait to fucking crack both of them open. 3 more days bitches!

It was really sweet the outpouring of love on my wall today for my birthday. Thank you everyone, I really appreciate you all. All the Tusken Raider stuff just made me smile, and I love the handmade memes. I have some pretty awesome people in my life. <3 Thank you all so much, you guys are amazing.

I have been invited to the Chicago toy show on Sunday. I am really debating on going but it’s such a long drive and I’m going to Dallas next weekend! My friend said I could meet him in Des Moines and drive together over but the other guys that are going said to get there by 8am. Be there by 8am in Chicago. Lol yeah let me not just sleep and that would be great. Lol. I’d have to stay the night Saturday, there is no question about that. Maybe I can go up to St Louis and head over in the morning? Fuck I don’t know. I was supposed to work on Sunday because I’m taking Friday off. Something tells me it’s not in my cards to go to Chi-town just yet. I still haven’t been there, but one of these days.

I am pretty tired tonight, I can barely keep my eyes open so I promise I will write more tomorrow. Oh one more thing before I close this, look at these neat little metal figures I won from a contest in one of the groups! I had to write a poem and I totally winged it and they chose me!! I was so excited and these little guys fit right into my collection of oddities. I mean how awesome is that, I won them on my bday too! SWEET!

RIP Prince. We lost another legend in the music industry. It's been a good day, but still sad.

Until tomorrow-

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 26

4 more days of this rambling and I’ll be done with my blog. Will I stop blogging, is the question I’m sure everyone is dying to know. My answer is, I don’t know. I really like writing out my feelings but at the same time, I don’t know if I need to do it daily. But then if I don’t keep up with it, my writings will become more generalized, like “I went to the store on Wednesday, Thursday I ate a hot dog etc.” Instead of more intimate details. The longer I wait to write, the less descriptive it will be. I can’t cram a whole week’s worth into one entry, I mean I guess I can but that would be tough to do. I think what I’m going to do is just continue with it as I feel the need to write, maybe every other day or so, and I will leave it up to the masses to check on it and read it. I won’t be posting daily entries on fb anymore. So if you want to follow along, subscribe. Don’t worry I don’t get notifications of anyone subscribing, and as far as I know I only have 4 followers. The more the merrier, seriously. I find it very flattering that anyone is even reading this and interested in my life. Even the people that don’t like me very much are reading, which is a little weird, but cool I guess. So.. friends and foes and random strangers.. follow away! And thank you for reading!!!

Common Core math is finally going away in Missouri and I may have peed my pants I’m so excited about it. I HATE common core math with a seething passion. I posted up a news article on fb this morning with a similar statement about it being the most stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, and a few people commented about how I shouldn't hate something I don't understand.

Yes, I do hate something I don’t understand. And I’m glad I don’t have to watch my son suffer with something he doesn’t understand either. His day care does NOT teach common core and thank god they do not. He’s already learned the other way and he will remain as such. I do understand common core math is beneficial to many professions, and that’s great but River will be fine in any profession without it. As we are all fine without it. If he needs it later for his profession, he will learn it. The argument that it teaches the mind to think critically, well that’s subjective and there are many other ways to think critically other than math class. So I don’t see what the big deal that they are taking it away. We are not dumbing down America by taking it away. Maybe they will think of something better than the standard way and I’ll be all for it, as long as it’s not too confusing. Common core math is very confusing. If adults can’t understand it well, what makes you think children can?? That is why I am so against it, it’s too hard. Maybe teach this to older kids or a special class like we had geometry or trig. But don’t cram this down our kids throats from the get go. I am SO glad they are taking this away. I shall celebrate this in 4 days!!!

Also, why does everyone feel the need to fight with me over an opinion that’s different than theirs? I guess that’s the internet for you. Sigh. Did I offend you by calling it stupid? I’m offended that you’re offended. :)

What’s also been on my mind lately is people’s inability to be humble, especially on the internet. Facebook seems like a breeding ground now for bragging about everything. Look what I did, look how awesome I am, look at my pictures having fun, look at me. We have all fallen guilty to this many times, but it seems to be more noticeable in certain types of people. Mainly, people with low self-esteem seeking acceptance and approval. Lately I have actually started to feel more empathy for these people. I mean we all want to be liked and accepted. But if you are one of these, tone it down a few notches because people will start to think you are conceited, arrogant, narcissistic, and just an all-around asshole. I know you shouldn’t care what people think, but then again it’s better if you’re known for who you actually are other than what people judge you as on fb. Just my 2 cents. Be humble. And make sure what you’re doing is for you or others and not just for likes or pats on the back. We accept you. Be the silent hero.

I have a great example of this, my husband. On Veteran’s day he went to IHOP with River and saw an old man in an army uniform eating alone. Kevin quietly asked the waitress for the man’s check, paid it, and then left the restaurant before the man noticed anything. Kevin did not tell anyone or brag about his good deed except nonchalantly told me a few days later. I about cried, he is SUCH an amazing person and for him to keep quiet about it, well I just love him for it even more. He didn’t need to seek recognition or approval, he just did it. That’s what I would like more from others – just do it. Don’t seek the attention that comes with it. No one needs to know how awesome you are except you. It will radiate out of you. I really look up to my husband for this and many other things. He’s calm, humble, doesn’t get mad often, and just a great man. I love you so much, Kevin. You truly are my soul mate and best friend, and have learned so much from you. You are my hero. <3

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 25

I am so excited about Texas! I just happened to dig out my notes today on horror cons that I made about a month or so ago , flipped it over and on the back I had written “Texas Frightmare Wknd, Dallas 4/29-5/1. I quickly looked on my calendar and almost squealed!! That’s the same weekend I’ll be there! I quickly shared it with my friend in Texas and said we need to go to this, and if he doesn’t want to I’ll go on either Friday or Sunday (or both). I may need to change my hotel depending on what he wants to do, because it said something about a party on Friday night. I can never say no to a good horror con party. And of course they will have films and stuff. It’s sponsored by Fangoria so you know it’s going to be rocking. And NECA is also one of their sponsors, which is the most kickass line of horror toys in the world. And they mentioned something about craft beer. Can this be any more perfect? I may need to take an extra day off of work- not sure how I’ll be feeling on Sunday afternoon to drive 8 hours back to KC. We will see. I am the master of winging it, so I don’t care about changing my plans up a bit. I need to decide pretty soon though, I have until the 26th before presales close. And my buddy is only staying Saturday for the day, so if he does want to go it will have to be Saturday. SO excited, I love horror cons much more than I do standard cons. They are a lot more fun and I’m more interested in horror than I am general geek stuff. I like regular cons too, but they are starting to bore me.

My blog yesterday drew quite a bit of attention lol. I had to express my thoughts, I am not mad at anyone but more disappointed than anything. A lot of people didn’t seem to understand why some of us got offended either, which also made me sad. There were actually quite a few that were upset. I got a lot of pm’s yesterday about it from other people that did not speak up. I also got a couple of apologies (and even made a new friend from all this, ha). It was nice, but don’t apologize to me, all I want is some compassion for other people. In a way I am glad that whole thing went down because I saw a lot of people for their true colors. Either way, it’s over and done with.. for now. lol.

I just got an email from a guy making a custom Borg Tusken for me. Yes, you read that right. I do like Star Trek TNG, so kill me. Anyways I just realized he lives in DFW too. Is everyone from Texas or that surrounding area and does customs? I‘m starting to think they do! I’ll post a pic of some of my customs, they are fun to collect and each one is unique and different. They are some of my most prized pieces in my Star Wars collection, actually. If there was a fire I would definitely grab all these before anything else. :)

Gotta go but I might write more later if I can. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me throughout this whole blog and your kind words. I’ve actually gotten closer to a few friends from this whole ordeal. It’s been a weird, crazy, bumpy ride, but thank god I only have 5 days left.

Monday, April 18, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 24

Happy news today. River’s echocardiogram today went great, he’s as close to normal as he’s going to be. His heart still leaks a little and he will always have a heart murmur, but he’s doing awesome. The cardiologist said she’s never seen a more successful balloon pump procedure. His numbers are so low now. They measure by the amount of blood escaping, and his was 77 or so before he had surgery. Now it’s like a 6. That’s amazing to me. She told me cases like these are why she is here and she looked like she was going to tear up. I had tears in my eyes as well. I can’t believe how good he’s doing. And she said she will see us back in 2 years!! Not once a year. We used to do this every week to 2 weeks. I am so proud of him.

I forgot to mention his ortho appointment went well, no braces needed for his in-toeing but they will continue to monitor him, and they want to see us in 5 years. I guess now everything is done surgically, they don’t even really uses braces or inserts in the shoes anymore. They physically go in and break the legs and put metal plates on them to straighten them up. It sounds painful but long term, I can see that being more successful than braces. My husband is a prime example of how braces ultimately fail. I asked if they can fix adult pigeon toes too and they said they sure can. I told Kevin about it and he said he’s good without breaking his legs. If I were him I’d get it done, he’s always tripping over himself and his knees give him problems but that’s his choice with his life.

Ok, now for the crap today that pissed me off. A post yesterday in one of the groups made me cringe and roll my eyes, but I said nothing and moved on with my life. Today I made the mistake of reading the comments and I about lost it. It was a post discussing clear bubbles on MOCs to eventually yellowing, which is fine. But the original poster compared it to a thinner girl turning into an overweight girl, how the bubbles will eventually turn like the women did. The comments were just terrible, lots of body shaming, and I saw one woman even left the group because of that post. It was alienating female collectors and as usual I always step in when I feel us ladies are pushed into a corner of the good ol’ boys club. I posted on the thread that I find this offensive and poor taste and it was taken down soon after. Then the poster publicly apologized to the group and even pm’d me saying he was sorry. I thought that was awesome of him. You would think that should have been the end of it and everyone moves on. But oh no, people were making a huge deal about it. People said things like, grow a pair, the politically correct police win again, how do these people leave the house, too many professional victims, go to the gym, toughen up buttercup, if you’re fat get over it, and so on.

What the fuck.

Stop for just a second and listen to yourselves. Shame on you. Shame on you for being angry that someone was offended and a post was deleted. Shame on you that someone had the balls to speak up against something and was shit on for it. And shame on you for overreacting and attacking other people. Does it even occur to anyone that being “overweight” is not a bad thing?? What is wrong with larger men and women? Some people actually like their extra weight, believe it or not. Some of us don’t want to go to the gym. And you know what, we are beautiful just the way we are. And people should realize this and accept ALL body types. This is exactly why medical disorders exist in the first place. People are expected to be thin and beautiful and the pressure of society leads us down the bulimic and anorexic path. It’s people like this and their negative comments that causes these feelings of unworthiness, shame, and despair.

I feel like my entire point of why I didn’t like that post was missed, but I didn’t expect anyone to understand. I am one of about 4 active female collectors. It’s a sea of testosterone and like they say, I have so suck it up, buttercup. But if you dare go against my girls I will cut you, and I’m not afraid to speak out if I feel you are out of line or wrong. I may have struggled with my weight and bulimia in the past but that is not really why I was upset. I was upset because larger men and women should not be shamed for any reason, especially in the collecting world. I collect because it makes me happy, and when I see shit like this.. it just makes me want to quit the hobby. I almost left that group today. I was very close. But if I leave they win, and I’m not going to let them. Respecting members definitely needs to be worked on though. Without respect for everyone the community is just lost.

I am going to close this post with a picture of my thick ass eating ice cream, because fuck you all, fuck the gym, and I’m beautiful damn it. Kiss my ass. Here’s to all the ladies who have been shamed and hated on because of their weight. Keep on rockin’ your beautiful bodies and enjoy your ice cream.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

My 30 Days of Not Drinking Alcohol : Day 23

There are days when I just don't feel like talking to anyone, and today was one of those days. I dove into chores around the house and working on buttons. I love it when I get into the creative mood like this because I work very hard and stay focused on the task at hand. It reminds me of the days of working in assembly with my dad.. once I get into the groove of things I can easily pump out a ton of stuff quickly. I was actually one of his best employees, and I don't just say that, I really was. He even told me a while ago that "I helped make the company grow." <3 I am very good at building and working with my hands, and at my dad’s I was able to move a lot of parts per day at a fast rate. I also used to work at GE Wind Energy in Pensacola, Florida making parts for wind turbine engines. One of my main tasks I did was building these wire boxes that helped make the propellers spin. They liked me making them because I was accurate, quick, and able to make several per shift. In a past life I probably would have been an electrician or something along those lines. Wiring and electronics has always interested me. In fact, I also signed up for avionics for the Air Force that I was thrilled and excited about, but life as usual had other plans for me.

The buttons are coming along. I keep doubting the color I chose because it’s different than the other buttons, but my husband keeps insisting they look great. I hope so. I plan on making a POTF version at some point and maybe a Droids/Ewoks too, so all the colors will flow more together once I get those made. I hope people can look past the color for now and not be put off by it. It’s a nice color, but it doesn’t match the other buttons. Yet. :)

River is so adorable, we read to him and put him to bed and I usually lay down with him for about 5 minutes so he can get his snuggles in. When it’s time for me to get up, he ALWAYS asks if I can be in the tv room so I can stay close to him while he falls asleep. It’s so cute. It’s a great way for me to catch up on movies, so I definitely can’t complain!! And I love that room, it’s my mini man cave now.

I have the day off tomorrow. River has his annual echo for his heart, and I need to get my driver’s license renewed. Exciting stuff. And I had a dream last night that I was in Mexico or something on vacation and I snuck in a few margaritas because you know, it’s fucking Mexico. :) I remember feeling guilty in my dream that I “cheated” on my challenge. Lol.

Well I’m going to go pop in another movie and call it a night. I bought two more Tusken Raider items, an Uzay Tusken custom card and a modern prototype Tusken. The prototype may be a fake, but I don’t care it was $10. It shows glue or something on his torso though, very similar to my mashup prototype Tusken but who knows. I liked it, fuck it.

I’m going to start using that more often. Fuck it.